Assistant Scallion Editor
All college students understand the pivotal role food plays in our daily lives. Luckily for us, there are plenty of off-campus dining options for when Cranston is terrifying and Tim Horton’s is inevitably closed. So the next time you’re on page 18 of your research paper and you need REAL food to fuel your soul, consider checking out some of these popular Fredonia hotspots.
Maria’s Pizzeria and Restaurant
Perfect for foodies and the supremely drunk alike, Maria’s offers a peculiar array of Italian foods, from pizza to . . . pizza. It offers what reviewers call “amazing” pizza and “passable” club sandwiches, which isn’t at all confusing, and the chicken finger sub is largely considered a “hit or miss” commodity.
Here’s a funny little anecdote from a particularly grouchy reviewer: “I’ve been on hold with this damn pizza place for three months. I don’t even remember what I wanted to order. This is a matter of survival, now.” In other words, skip delivery and make the trek to the store yourself. It’s probably worth it.
If you thought Maria’s was your drunk-food haven, think again. Calio’s is what one reviewer called “the greatest place to get a calzone when you don’t know who you are or why you’re naked.” One common theme amongst reviewers, however, could be cause for concern. “I saw Ben Wyatt — you know, from “Parks and Rec” — in here a few days ago, and he was less than pleased,” one reviewer said. “If the creator of the Low-Cal Calzone Zone isn’t happy with Calio’s, then how am I supposed to feel?!”
P*Dubs Pizza Wings & Things
As the battle of the chicken finger sub continues, it looks like P*Dubs is in the lead. What makes a chicken finger sub good, anyway? I just realized how strange the concept of a “chicken finger sub” is when you type it three times in a row. Chicken finger sub. Chicken finger sub. Chicken finger sub. Wow.
I also feel the need to call upon my own expertise here. As a native Long Islander, I consider myself an expert on what makes pizza great. I’ve never seen so much cheese on a slice of pizza as I did at P*Dubs, but the late hour and sleep deprivation made it a euphoric experience.
A Spot and a Spell
Go for the tea and whimsy, stay for the possible witchcraft.
Largely considered the Panera Bread of Fredonia, Upper Crust is the only place you can watch old TV shows like “The Twilight Zone” without your grandma yelling at you to turn up the volume. Upper Crust is mainly known for its vegetable soup, which allegedly causes out-of-body experiences and incoherent praising to the gods. The cinnamon rolls are pretty good, too.
So the next time you find yourself alone on a random Fredonia street corner with a hankering for lukewarm pizza, consider giving one of these hotspots a shot. And just a friendly inquiry from a lowly student writer: C’mon, Fredonia, when are you gonna get a decent bagel place?!