CHLOE KOWALYK
Staff Writer
Ah yes, the weather is warming up and we can finally go outside.
Fredonia students fill the campus, laying out picnic blankets and going on walks with their friends.
The semester is more than halfway through, and everything is looking up.
That is until…
**Sniff Sniff**
“EW! What’s that smell?”
Most Fredonia students and staff will tell you that the awful smell is simply the dog food factory in town, whipping up some of the best puppy chow for our pups back home.
“Everyone smells dog food here,” says Hunter Halterman, a SUNY Fredonia student. “We just don’t talk about it.”
Unfortunately for Halterman and the rest of the SUNY Fredonia students, the school is lying to them all.
Here’s the truth: SUNY Fredonia made up this lie that there’s a dog food company nearby.
It may come as a surprise, but the Nestle Purina manufacturing building in Dunkirk, NY is actually fake.
In fact, if you walk too far around the building, you’ll see the back of the cardboard, and the stack of old textbooks that hold it up.
Don’t believe me? Check out the Nestle Purina reviews on Google.
Yep, you’re seeing that right. They have an average rating of 2 stars. Why do you think that is?
Well, I’ll tell you.
Most of the complaints are about the staff, which makes sense.
Since the company is fake, there’s no actual staff.
To compensate for the off-chance that someone may actually show up to this cardboard cutout building, the college sent some of their professors over to the factory to act as Nestle Purina staff.
The professors, grumpy that they are no longer teaching students and are now dog food factory workers, are disgruntled.
The doggy dinner dish smell is actually coming from none other than the campus itself.
Let me explain: Have you been to Cranston Marche recently?
Did you maybe get some grub after class one evening, and feel that something was a little bit off?
That uncomfy feeling is because Cranston is serving food that would be better suited to our furry friends to the students.
Another student, Alex Erwin, wonders, “Was burger Wednesday a lie all along? It tasted okay, but now? Blegh.”
You might be wondering, “How did we figure this all out?”
One day, one of our lead reporters went to get some dinner after a long day of Zoom classes.
She pulled her mask down for a moment to take a sip of her Venti blonde iced coffee with seven pumps of vanilla, four pumps of caramel double blended and three teaspoons of oat milk, when she smelled an awful stench.
The smell of dog food filled her nose, and it was disgusting.
Curious, the reporter looked into the kitchen, and to her surprise, she didn’t find dog food at all.
The food was just gross, and absolutely reeked.
As it turns out, the food at Cranston Marche is the type only a dog could love.
There is no Nestle Purina factory: only a façade to hide the gross dining hall food on campus.