THE QUARTERBACK
Executive Producer of Lovercall
THE MUSICIAN
Lovercall Producer
RADIO REBEL
Lovercall Producer
Hello!
We are The Quarterback, The Musician and Radio Rebel: producers and hosts of the radio show Lovercall, right here at Fredonia. Lovercall is an anonymous late-night talk show about love, relationships and more. Students who are guests on the show use codenames to protect their identities when discussing potentially personal topics, hence the codenames of the writers of this column. This is your reminder that none of the hosts or guests are professionals, and everything stated is based on personal experiences.
“The Quarterback” is a 20-year-old cisgender man who uses he/him pronouns and is a junior at Fredonia.
“The Musician” is a 22-year-old gender-fluid person who uses they/she pronouns and is a senior at Fredonia.
“Radio Rebel” is a 21-year-old transgender man who uses he/him pronouns and is a senior at Fredonia.
On each episode, the hosts and guests of Lovercall participate in a variety of segments. The cast discusses a relevant news story, a date idea, a wacky game and a main topic for the episode.
Listeners can submit their questions or seek advice either via Fredonia Radio’s Instagram, @fredonia_radio, on YikYak or through the QR code provided in this column.
We answer your questions live on the radio, then add them to this column in case you missed the episode.
The show will broadcast weekly throughout the semester on Wednesday nights from 10 p.m. to 12 a.m. on WDVL 89.5 on www.fredoniaradio.com.
This column runs in conjunction with Lovercall and can be found in print and online at fredonialeader.org.
Date idea of the week
We hope to provide fellow students with a fun and unique date idea in every episode. These date ideas aren’t just for romantic partners — you could go with your friends, classmates, or can even go solo for a fun activity in Fredonia.
For this week’s date idea, we’re keeping it simple and going bowling!
Bowling is something that you don’t have to be good at to enjoy. Sometimes, it’s actually more fun if you and your partner are both terrible bowlers.
Or, maybe you both need to use the bumpers — The Quarterback certainly does.
It’s also something to do indoors, which is important as we turn towards the colder months.
But the best part of this date idea is how well it ties into our main topic.
After a breakup, many people have a hard time getting up and going anywhere as they struggle to find their happiness again.
Going bowling with friends is a simple activity that can help someone take their mind off the breakup and just enjoy some quality time with those closest to them.
And hey, if the breakup was a rough one, maybe you imagine the pins as your ex as they get knocked down… the Lovercall crew won’t judge you!
Navigating Breakups
Typically on Lovercall, we discuss topics related to building positive relationships and how to maintain them.
But what happens when those relationships come to an end?
It can be tough to talk about, but breakups are a fact of life and it’s important to know how to properly deal with them.
No matter how the relationship might have ended, there are ways to cope with it in a positive way and emerge stronger on the other side.
Verywell Mind, a website dedicated to providing mental health guidance, published an article detailing the seven stages of a breakup.
Each stage comes along with various thoughts or behaviors that someone may exhibit, and the article also provides coping strategies to help get through the stages.
The first stage is called ambivalence, where someone might be wondering if ending the relationship was the right decision.
You might also experience some mixed emotions in this stage. You may be relieved that the stress associated with the relationship is over, but you may also be hurting and miss your ex.
The most important coping strategy with ambivalence is allowing yourself to heal. Sure, feeling all these things is not fun, but they’re things you need to feel in order to eventually get better.
If you’re really questioning the decision to end the relationship, you could also make a pros and cons list of reasons why or why not to be with the person.
The second stage is denial or shock, and you may try to avoid confronting these difficult emotions in this stage as well.
People experiencing denial or shock may also try to hide the breakup from others, or they may try to stay in close communication with their ex in order to maintain a feeling of closeness.
Once again, it’s important to confront all of these emotions and let yourself feel all of it.
It’s also crucial to lean on those you depend on the most, whether that’s a friend, a parent, a sibling or whomever else. These are the people who are in your corner, and they can lift you up when you are missing the strength to lift yourself up.
Additionally, try to limit contact between you and your ex. You may be able to re-establish a friendship later down the line, but you both need to be given time to heal in the immediate aftermath of a breakup.
The third stage is anger or resentment, and this is what the artists of angsty breakup songs are singing about.
You might be arguing with your ex about the breakup, or you might even take the step to physically destroy any artifacts from the relationship.
In this stage, forgiveness is extremely important. Not only is it important to forgive them, it’s also important (and maybe even more important) to forgive yourself for any mistakes you’ve made or anything else you might be upset with yourself for.
Obviously, there may be things you can’t forgive them for. However much you choose to forgive them is up to you.
The next stage is bargaining, where you might be pleading with your ex to give the relationship another try or considering other ways to stay close to them.
Again, this is a completely natural thing to feel, but try not to romanticize the relationship too much. Remember that, despite all the good memories, there’s a reason why you broke up.
The next stage is the stage most associated with a separation: sadness or depression.
You might find yourself crying a lot, but beyond that, you may also experience a sense of hopelessness and it may cause you to isolate yourself from social situations.
As is the case with each of the other stages, you need to allow yourself to feel all of it, and it’s important to lean on those closest to you for support.
When you’re feeling down, it’s also helpful to try to redirect those thoughts. For example, instead of believing that you’ll never find love again, understand that this relationship will help you to learn and move forward.
This brings us to the next stage, which is the stage of acceptance and healing.
This is when you start to let go of the relationship and establish a sense of closure, and it’s also where we shift from coping strategies to healing strategies.
The main healing strategy here is to be grateful for the relationship — grateful for both the good memories and the lessons you learned from the hard times.
The Quarterback’s mom says that you learn something from each relationship you’re in, and she’s absolutely right.
The final stage is one that signifies growth, as you’ve now successfully rebuilt yourself and can move on.
This might mean moving on to a new relationship, or it might not. You might choose to spend even more time with yourself even though you’ve healed and moved on.
The biggest piece of advice we can give you through all of this is to be gentle with yourself. It’s OK to be having a hard time with this — nobody can rationally expect you to be perfectly fine when you’re going through a breakup.
Remember that these stages are not linear, either. Not only can you bounce back and forth between stages, but you can also be in multiple different stages at once.
Always keep in mind that your own personal healing and growth are your biggest priority when going through a breakup.
And if you ever feel like you can’t get through it, the Lovercall crew will always have your back.
Lovercall Calling…
Every week on Lovercall we answer your questions anonymously — all about love, relationships and more. Here’s another reminder that none of the hosts are professionally trained, but we are college students living through the same experiences you are.
This week a Lovercaller asked, “More of a self-love question, but I’ve had a lot of traumatic things happen in the past year and I’ve started to hate myself again. My partner of four years and I also split within [this] year and I have felt absolutely heartbroken. I went through a very rough and depressing patch. I’ve been working through that, but I’ve been hung up on loving myself. How do I start to do [that] again?”
Loving yourself takes a lot of time and patience. There is not a quick solution and it certainly isn’t linear.
There are many things you could do. First, Lovercall hosts recommend maybe going to therapy, or getting help from a more knowledgeable source than just Lovercall, considering it is a more serious matter. However, Lovercall hosts and guests recommended a few things that could help.
Try to find reasons to love yourself, whether that would be manifestations, picking up new hobbies, spending time with people that love you for who you are or spending time doing something you enjoy.
With self-love, it’s very important to take time for yourself and listen to your mind and body when you might need a break.
With breakups, it will hurt, and it will suck. We as hosts are not sugarcoating that.
However, it’s also a great learning experience to know what works and doesn’t work for yourself in relationships. It’s a step closer to understanding what needs of yours (and the other person) are and aren’t being met. It also gives insight on what is important to you, and what isn’t.
Use this as an advantage, to take those pieces of learned information to build yourself higher.
If you did something wrong in the relationship, how can you improve yourself to make the outcome better for relationships in the future? If you did something right in the relationship, reflect how that had a positive impact and see if you can continue with the positive pieces outside of relationships and in your own life.
Many times, when relationships end, they do not start again. Though it is important to reflect on that and mourn the relationship, at the same time, remind yourself that the end of the relationship is not a stopping point for yourself and relationships in general.
You will be able to move on, you will be able to learn and heal and you will be able to grow — it just takes time.
Reach out! Do you want to ask the authors of Lovercolumn a question? Do you need advice? Fill out the form by using this QR code.
Interested in being a guest on Lovercall? Email wdvlonair@gmail.com or visit Fredonia Radio Systems, located in McEwen Hall 115 and open Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
“The Quarterback,” “The Musician” and “Radio Rebel” are members of Fredonia Radio Systems and are involved in the production of Lovercall.