Dear Fairy Godmother,
Last weekend, I had to go back home for a few days for an appointment. When I came back, I walked in to find that my roommate and some of her friends completely decked out our room in Halloween decorations, complete with black spider webs and creepy skeletons. Now, I’m not adverse to decorations or Halloween. I just don’t feel comfortable waking up in the middle of the night to see a glow-in-the-dark decal of a severed head staring at me, or black spider web lint covering all of my clothes. Should I talk to my roommate or wait for the Halloween season to pass? How do I tell her how I’m feeling without being rude?
Please Help,
Killjoy
Dear Killjoy,
Halloween is a holiday that takes true dedication to celebrate correctly. You’re valid in your dislike but I have to admit, it might be easier to just ride this one out. Your roommate COULD be decorating the room with real webs and real severed heads. Just focus on how much worse the situation could be while you try to fall asleep in the incandescent glow of cheap decorations. As far as confronting roommates goes, one must only delve a few issues back in this publication to see a similar problem I gave advice on. Your roommate is only a seasonal fan of the macabre, a fact for which you should be grateful. Enjoy the season and don’t forget to give your roommate a little extra candy to stay on her good side.
Sincerely,
Fairy Godmother
Dear Fairy Godmother,
I think my house is haunted. I swear something weird happens almost every day. Just last week, when my housemates and I woke up in the morning, our front door was wide open. I understand that the wind could’ve blown it open if it wasn’t shut all the way, but my roommate Lauren insists she pulled it shut and locked it. We always hear a beeping noise that sounds like a fire alarm, but we have no idea where it is ever coming from. Probably the scariest thing happened just yesterday. I went to turn the TV on in my room and for some reason it wouldn’t work. I probably pressed the on button 20 times before I got up to see what the problem was. When I got closer I saw that my TV was unplugged, BUT I DIDN’T DO IT. Who else would have been in my room watching TV? How do my roommates and I battle this entity?
Please Help,
A Haunting at 28 White Street
Dear Haunting,
I fear you may be in the thrall of one of the scariest creatures of all so I’m very glad you wrote to me. I will give you a few pieces of advice before revealing the root of your problem. I would begin by setting up a camera of some sort to record any doors that typically wind up left open. This will help you monitor when exactly this phenomenon takes place. In regard to the beeping, I can only recommend following the sound to its source, or as close as you can possibly get. This will help you pinpoint the area of activity in the house. Finally, keep an eye on outlets or other things easily disturbed. You must be constantly vigilant around this sort of entity. Now I’ll ask you to sit down before I reveal to you my diagnosis. Forget the burning sage and buy yourself a deadbolt because you are the unlucky victim of an inconsiderate roommate. Of course Lauren says she closed the door; any rational person would deflect blame. She clearly has boundary issues and feels entitled to go in your room. Also make sure you check in closets because sometimes there are smoke detectors hidden in the depths. Best of luck!
Sincerely,
Fairy Godmother
Dear Fairy Godmother,
Halloween is a time of year where I usually go out with friends but now that I’m at school, it’s hard to find a group of people to go with. How can I meet new people while being safe at the same time?
Please help,
Lonely
Dear Lonely,
Halloween is the perfect time to latch onto a group and never let go! Find someone in one of your classes, you just have to know their name, and ask what they have planned. If they tell you, just happen to show up to Old Main at the same time. You’ll have drunk friends in no time and voila, a whole group to spend Halloween with! Celebrate responsibly and always be aware of your surroundings. And pay attention to our slutty costume list before going out. Don’t be basic.
Sincerely,
Fairy Godmother