DAKOTA RICHTER
Special to The Leader
WILL KARR
Life & Arts Editor
Creativity and one’s ability to express themselves is something that every little kid is normally allowed to do. However, growing up, SUNY Fredonia junior animation student Kelly Nyguen felt like she had to repress her cultural heritage.
“I grew up in a really traditional Vietnamese household. Growing up, to me it was normal, but to everyone else around me it was like ‘What the [hell] is going on?,” Nyguen said.
In the second grade, Nyguen wore an Áo Dài, a traditional Vietnamese garment, to school during Lunar New Year. As a young child, she often balanced openly expressing her Vietnamese identity, while navigating American social spaces.
“I remember that I got bullied so badly for it,” Nyguen said. “I went home the same day and was like ‘I am never wearing this again.’ … So I kind of lost touch with my culture for a bit.”
This traumatic event left Nyguen not wanting to participate in her own culture anymore. As a result, she started repressing it. However, at this time she didn’t hate her culture, rather she felt like she had to hide it as a more of a coping mechanism.
Growing up, Nyguen said that she never talked about her cultural heritage with her parents. Her parents are both Vietnamese Americans, who came over from Vietnam. With them, Nyguen said that they brought bags of unresolved trauma.
“I feel like growing up in an immigrant household, you don’t get to talk about a lot of things. … it’s just hard to connect with my parents,” Nyguen said. “I think that component also really influenced me growing up because everyone had this perfect [family], and then I’m over here like I have know idea what my family [history] is.”
Nguyen’s parents often want her to conform to their own beliefs and ideologies, and for a while, she did. They went to the extent of getting her to subscribe to these values at the cost of her own mental health. She recalled how often she was told that she was ugly and fat by her own parents. They were brought up by Asian beauty standards, which are very different from American beauty standards.
“I wouldn’t be considered plus size but overweight in Vietnam, which is shocking,” Nyguen said.
While navigating American social spaces and repressing her culture, Nyguen and her parents started to have conflicting moral values. With her parents wanting her to have a more traditional lifestyle, Nyguen wanted to have more agency over her ability to express herself.
After eight years of conforming to this and repressing her identity, she took the first step towards doing what she wants. In the 10th grade, she rebelliously started wearing crop tops and risque shirts.
To others, this might not have seemed like a big deal, but to her parents, it was considered a form of rebellion towards their own beliefs. Nyguen found a few ways to overcome this negativity from them.
Nyguen regained her confidence from the internet. Specifically, where she went on to explain how you can find other people dealing with similar issues. This way of seeing other people’s viewpoint on the situation made Nyguen start to understand what her parents told her isn’t true.
“So it was kind of like reteaching myself, that like what they were saying isn’t true,” Nyguen said.
While exploring her creativity, she found a passion for art. In high school, Nyguen would find joy in drawing. Compared to her peers who were following what their parents wanted them to be, Nyguen took a different path by majoring in animation illustration. She found herself being one of the few people in her friend group that wasn’t a STEM major.
“I think for a lot of them it’s like ‘while I know I’m going to get a job after this,’” Nyguen said “… They know their [career] is a safe path and they know that [my career is] not.”
Everyone has their own idea of what success looks like to them. Art is her success and has many different conventions someone can use to express themselves. Nyguen not only likes how she can draw her creativity but also expresses it through her fashion.
Normally, Nyguen has a feel-good, look-good type of aesthetic. On certain days, you might see her in casual clothing, and the next, something a little more androgynous. Staple to her fashion are dress pants and unconventional tops.
“Wearing like pajama tops as just regular button ups … people wouldn’t even realize you’re wearing a pajama top until you to tell them [because] it looks so nice”
While at Fredonia she is able to freely express herself and creativity, when she goes back home to visit her parents she still has to hide parts of herself. As with her parents, she feels it’s a lot easier to wear feminine clothes while around them.
“It’s a very love-hate relationship. I love them very much,” Nyguen said. “I just hate [certain] sides of them, and I just try to ignore it I guess.”
Even though Nyguen doesn’t agree with their beliefs and ideologies, she has learned that she doesn’t have to let their expectations have power over her. Though she used to hide them as a coping mechanism she has turned them into her passions. Drawing, fashion and her culture are all something she feels strongly about now and will continue on in the future practicing them.
We asked Nyguen if she could go back to her younger self, what words would she say to her now knowing what she knows.
“I think I would just tell her that like she shouldn’t be ashamed of anything and that she can be proud of herself,” Nyguen said.