DAN QUAGLIANA
Managing Editor
OK, I’m fully aware that this article is going to get me canceled across the entire campus.
And don’t mistake my intentions — I am in no way saying that Tim Hortons is bad. I’ve eaten their food and drank their drinks my entire life. I’m from Buffalo — there’s no way that I could avoid Tim Hortons, even if I wanted to.
But the Town of Dunkirk, right down the street from SUNY Fredonia, is a very special place. It has a Dunkin’ Donuts right next to a Tim Hortons.
I’m going to use two extremes to illustrate why this occurrence is so special — go down to New York City. Take a look around. You’ll see a Dunkin’ on basically every street corner, but there won’t be a single Tims in sight.
Now drive an hour up I-90 to Buffalo, and you’ll see the exact opposite result. Tims everywhere, as far as the eye can see! Dunkin’ Donuts? What’s that? (Yes, I am fully aware Buffalo has multiple Dunkin’ Donuts locations.)
Before coming to Fredonia, I’ve never seen a Dunkin’ and a Tims right next to each other before, and I consider myself pretty well-traveled.
Being able to experience the juxtaposition of the two coffee companies has led me to some interesting conclusions that the me of a few years ago would never even consider.
I now actually consider Dunkin’ to be superior to Tim Hortons.
I’ll wait until the tomatoes stop flying.
…
I partake in this opinion for multiple reasons. But before I even list them, let me tell you all something else that will get me canceled and possibly chased out of Western New York by an angry mob.
I don’t drink coffee.
“But Dan, how can you judge places that are mostly known for their coffee?”
Because I said so, and now y’all have to listen.
That means I’ll be ranking (read: judging) these places based on everything BESIDES their coffee. Let the mayhem commence.
Non-coffee drinks
Dunkin’ walks away with this one. It’s not even close.
They have fun, fruity refreshers — and they’re absolutely perfect for when you need a sugar rush early in the morning. (Wait, what do you mean I shouldn’t drink that much sugar in the morning?)
Tims’ refreshers are still good, but they taste much “waterier” than their counterparts. And you always have to stir them so the concentrate doesn’t settle on the bottom.
Dunkin’ also has matcha lattes, so that automatically makes it a winner in my book. Like, seriously, do we even still need to be in this section?
They ALSO have more flavors of plain ‘ol tea compared to the Canadian company. What other chain restaurant of ANY kind has hibiscus tea? It’s practically a delicacy that you have to order on Amazon, but Dunkin’ has it at every location.
Donuts
As much as I love Dunkin’, this isn’t a Tims slander article — America might run on Dunkin’, but I’m running away with an armful of Tims donuts. It might be childhood nostalgia, but they’re just better than Dunkin’s.
That’s especially true when you’re comparing donut holes. No other donut on the planet can even hold a candle to Timbits … except maybe Paula’s in Buffalo, but they’re in a whole different league than the one that this article is looking to cover.
Munchkins, by comparison, are a lot drier and lumpier, compared to the soft, moist and smooth texture of the delicacies known as Timbits.
Both establishments’ regular donuts are acceptable, I guess. They taste pretty similar, and I have no complaints about either of them. I still think Tims’ are better, but I’ll take some from Dunkin’ in a pinch.
Food
This, more than any other area, is where Dunkin’ completely destroys Tims.
Dunkin’ doesn’t even have to show up to the fight, and they demolish Tims when their food is compared. Their maple sugar bacon breakfast sandwich is truly the food of the gods, and in the morning, it’s the only thing I need for a complete and balanced breakfast. I treat myself to one at least once a week, and I start looking forward to the next one as soon as I finish it.
When I’m even just in the vicinity of Tims eggs, my stomach starts turning. Something about the smell just doesn’t agree with me.
I will say, however, that Tims has better bagels — Dunkin’ always burns them too much or undercooks them; they never make them correctly. Am I being too nitpicky? Maybe, but I’m very particular about my bagels.
Tims also has better lunch foods, but a coffee place isn’t really where I’m looking to go for lunch. Sorry, Tims turkey bacon club sandwich lovers (and I include myself among you) — Dunkin’s breakfast foods far outweigh Tims lunches.
Was trying to compare two coffee companies based on everything except their coffee a good idea? Probably not. Will this article gain me more popularity points around campus? Again, probably not.
But I think it’s good for Fredonians to be educated on the places they get their breakfast from. And next time someone from Western New York doesn’t bow down and worship Tim Hortons, give them a chance to speak before automatically assuming they hate your culture.