ANONYMOUS
They decided my fate the moment they picked my name.
It means ewe in Hebrew —
A symbol of purity and innocence,
Timid and dainty.
Unlike its male counterpart,
A symbol of power and force,
Regarded and respected.
I wish I were strong and immovable,
But I was born a pacifist.
Inspirational quotes and affirmations are simply words,
Words to make us feel like we are in control of our own destiny.
So are books, in a way.
They too contribute to the illusion that our stories are not predetermined,
That we have any control at all over who we are and where we end up.
We read books, learn the lessons inside, invest our time into the characters,
Decide we’d never be that stupid, and close the book.
It goes back on the shelf until read by the next person.
The idea that we are any different from a character in a 300-page book is sanctimonious.
Someone out there is reading our story and laughing at our misfortune.
They learn from our mistakes and close our book.
They too feel they are in more control than we are,
That their future is not predetermined,
That their character is more developed and less set in stone.
The cycle goes on and on and on.
Have you ever seen a room of mirrors when there’s nothing to reflect inside them?
I haven’t either.
But I assume it looks a lot like every other thing we cannot see —
Like the imaginary people reading our books,
And the people reading theirs,
And so on.
I assume it looks like the sound of a tree falling when there’s nobody around to hear it.
Did it ever make a sound?
I assume it looks like the feeling of déjà vu,
That it smells like your grandmother’s perfume,
And you can faintly hear the laugh of the child you don’t have yet.
I’m going to name my child something fierce and powerful,
Something that symbolizes determination and strength.
They will not fear failure.
They will be courageous and unintimidated.
Like a ram.