AMANDA DEDIE
News Editor
Last Tuesday and Wednesday, Gregory Hall hosted a haunted house right in the basement of the campus’ oldest — and therefore, probably the creepiest — dorm building. Haunted Gregory 2015 didn’t disappoint.
Do not be fooled by my tough exterior, because as it turns out, I am actually a scaredy-cat on the inside, and nothing will deflate my huge ego and dissolve my fake show of confidence quicker than a haunted house.
However, since I had no concept of the fact that the building would have an actual basement, I was — very stupidly — expecting some maze through the FSA offices. I thought nothing of going to the five-minute event. I mean, it was only five minutes, right? What could possibly happen in five minutes?
Famous last words.
I soon discovered that there was indeed a basement. I was going to have to go through dark hallways labeled “Fredonia Insane Asylum.” I received a verbal warning that the code word was “coconut” if I got too scared and needed to be escorted out.
I realized I was probably going to die.
But it was too late to turn back.
The fun began with the shrieks of other students echoing off the walls, and me cutting off the circulation in my boyfriend’s hand from the get-go. We were greeted at an asylum check-in desk, surrounded by actors in creepy makeup and scratchy voices telling us to join them and to enjoy our stay.
We were escorted through a door which led us down a dimly lit corridor. With the poor lighting, I could barely make out the holes along the walls.
The rational side of my brain told me, “spoiler alert: people are going to pop out at your from those holes in the wall.”
The irrational side of my brain told me, “Text daddy and tell him you love him, because you’re definitely gonna die here.”
Sure enough, actors’ hands and voices came from the walls around us. They surrounded us, coming from every direction, whispering in their raspy voices and cackling shrilly.
The whole time I chanted to myself in my head, “You’re doing this for The Leader. You’re sure as hell never going into another haunted house as long as you live, but you’re not going to die.”
Then my good buddy Travis, who I did not know was Travis at the time, came up behind me with a machete, and I almost died.
All in all, it was a pretty authentic, well put-together experience. Next year I’ll probably trick myself into thinking I can handle it because I’d know what to expect, only to probably pass out while screaming “coconut.” But the amount of effort put in to make Haunted Gregory a fun but scary experience could really only have been made scarier by showing us our eBills at the end.