Naomi Lynch – Social Media Manager
FTDO – Friends for a season, and friends for a reason
When I started college, I became best friends with two people right away, and we did everything together. Then my mother passed away, and I took three weeks off. I came back and things weren’t the same. They just cut me off, and I tore myself apart trying to figure out what I did wrong. Why did they suddenly hate me?
My best friend of eight years suddenly became distant when I wasn’t able to answer every phone call because I was busy with college. And when I saw him last winter, his attitude was as frosty as the weather. My thoughts: what can I do to make him happy again?
In all of these situations, I blamed myself when I shouldn’t have. There are two types of friends: friends for a season, and friends for a reason.
Friends for a season are people who are only around to teach you a lesson and move the plot of your life forward. They’re like Band-Aids — eventually, the adhesive stops working and they fall away. These types of friends are usually toxic and the sooner you get rid of them, the better.
But what if you’re a person who thrives on being friends with everyone?
I never believed my family cared about me, so I always had a lot of friends wherever I went. This made me feel less lonely. In high school and middle school, I had at least eight best friends. But when the summer would come, we would have nothing to talk about. But I thrived on those friendships because my friends were my family.
But these friendships weren’t friendships. These people expected me to follow them around and discouraged me from being independent. I was always the person in the wrong even if there was factual evidence that I was right. When I was at my lowest, everything was always about them. These are friends for a season. They were only there to teach me that I shouldn’t be a follower and try to make everyone happy. I should be a (Fredonia) leader. *bah dum tss*
But then, there are friends for a reason. Friends who tell you like is — no sugar coating over here! They care about you as much as you care about them. You both help each other grow into the best people you can be. They drive you to succeed! They aren’t keeping score about who did what. They are just generally awesome people.
Before I took my year off, I auditioned for Vocal Point. At the audition, I saw this girl standing in the corner who looked very nervous. She reminded me of myself one year ago, so I introduced myself and told her right away we were going to be friends. That entire year, she always checked up on me. I was confused because she didn’t want anything from me.
Nearly five years later, she’s still checking up on me now that I’m back at school and we aren’t living the same house anymore. We talk once a week about life, and I always yell at her to not do so much work. She still yells at me, but in the most loving way possible. That’s the true definition of a best friend, and she’s my friend for a reason.
That’s only one example. But what I’ve learned from college is that not everyone is your friend. Use the word lightly!
It’s a gift that not everyone deserves to have.
When friends for a season leave, they leave a space large enough for friends for a reason to squeeze into and make everything better. Within my true friends, I have the family I’ve always wanted, made up of sorority sisters, Vocal Point members, my English Department and Leader family, and so many other people. You all know who you are.
I recently asked a new friend “where have you been all my life?”
“What matters is that I’m here now, bae!” she said.
Most importantly: it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends with someone. It’s about who came along and never left.
It’s fall, everyone. Let the friends for a season fall away like the leaves to the pavement. And keep your friends for a reason close, because it’s going to be a cold winter!
So, to the friends that were around for a season: thank you. I appreciate the lessons you’ve taught me, and I wish you nothing but the best.
But, to the friends that have stuck around: thank you as well. Whenever my depression gets the best of me and I don’t think I can live another day, I think of how much I love you all. You truly make life worth living.
Now go listen to the good word of Adele.