AMANDA DEDIE
News Editor
After four and a half years of college, I have oodles of knowledge about my chosen field of study (and a semester’s worth of knowledge for each of the two majors I quit before settling on public relations).
However, I’m graduating in a month, and I’m only just realizing that I don’t know jack about adulthood.
Here is a list of all the things I don’t know that I wish college — or someone — taught me. If anyone can help me out with any of these, please feel free to email me.
- Why does my bank sometimes give my money back and then take it out again?
It’s annoying, and I don’t understand why it happens. I’ll spend five bucks at Tim Hortons, and they’ll take it right out. The next day it’s back again! As a person who is terrible at keeping track of money, sometimes I don’t know if that’s my actual balance or not. Then I’ll spend it, and the day after, they’ll take it out! Why is this a thing? - Why aren’t internships given to people with no experience?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET EXPERIENCE IF YOU WON’T GIVE ME AN INTERNSHIP? - How do I get admitted to a hospital?
I’d like to be able to go to the actual hospital for my problems and not get stranded at the Brooks emergency room with all of my medical issues being surpassed by people with a stubbed toe and an infected papercut. I don’t have a primary care physician here in Fredonia! Someone do me a solid, and just tell me how to get to an actual doctor in Fredonia whose first instinct isn’t to just ask me if I’ve been drinking. - I don’t understand taxes.
What are they for? Doesn’t the government keep track of this when they’re taking money out of my paychecks? Can’t they take care of it for me? When do I legally have to actually start filing taxes because isn’t there a minimum amount of money you have to actually be making before you need to start filing? Will it look suspicious if I somehow live off of a super small amount of money until I’m 40 and avoid filing taxes until then? - What are things every house should have?
The first time I lived on my own, my father had to help me shop because I forgot a can opener, a drink pitcher, a cheese grater, aluminum foil and ziploc bags. When I graduated high school, I should have gotten a “how to adult” starter pack. Instead, I got a stupid Advanced Regents diploma that is no different from a regular diploma. I could have gone senior year without taking that math class. - How does insurance work?
When do I get life insurance? If my parents have life insurance on me, does it ever expire when I’m an adult? Do I need insurance to own a car first? Why does homeowners insurance have like 70 different other types of insurance associated with it (flooding? tornado? fire? PAY MORE)? Isn’t there some sort of ultimate package? Why is it so expensive? - What’s the difference between hourly and salary?
As far as I’m concerned, don’t you just take your hourly wage, multiply it by 40 hours per week, multiply that by how many weeks a year you work, and that’s your salary? How often do you get a paycheck if you have a salary? How much do you get each paycheck? HOW DOES A SALARY FACTOR IN OVERTIME? - What kind of credit card should I get?
What’s APR? What’s interest? Which one won’t screw me over the worst? Can I pay it off with auto pay through my bank account, or do they just want to make my life difficult by not letting me do that? Are they secretly hoping I’ll accidentally make a late payment so they can charge me more than my actual bill was? - How do I find out stuff about the local people I should be voting for?
Up until like two years ago, I thought Election Day was only for presidents, and people are like, “So, who are you voting for for town mayor,” and I’m all, “What?” How do I find out about these people? What are they doing for my town? As Patrick Star would say, “Who are you people?!” - Is there anything about adulthood that isn’t mildly terrifying?
This speaks for itself.
If anyone has any answers, now would be the time to share them. Otherwise, I’ll just be using my diploma as a mousepad because I’m not getting anywhere in this world if I can’t figure this stuff out.
