“THE PLUMBER”
Executive Producer of Lovercall
“THE ELECTRICIAN”
Lovercall Producer
This week on Lovercall, we dove into a more serious topic: sex and shame. We discussed sex as a taboo topic, why we might feel shame and how we can take steps to prevent this negative mindset. Be sure to tune in again this Thursday, April 27 at 10 p.m. on WDVL 89.5 on fredoniaradio.com
Date idea of the week
We also hope to provide our fellow students with a fun and unique date idea in every column. This week, we here at Lovercall decided to dive into something more collaborative with video games!
There are plenty of video games you can play with your partner. We recommend something a bit more relaxed than competitive for a date and to keep things positive
One of the best game series to do this with is the line of LEGO games. These games include LEGO Star Wars, LEGO Harry Potter, and others. LEGO games are easy and widely accessible, being available on most popular gaming platforms since the mid 2000s. They include some action and puzzle solving, perfect for a date with your partner.
Besides LEGO games, “The Electrician” recommends Stardew Valley. This game provides a laid back environment where players can work together to make a farm. Additionally, the game can run on most laptops and computers, so it is perfect for those that may not own a gaming console.
Lovercallers
We call those who reach out to us with their questions and stories “lovercallers.”
We received a question from “Average Neighborhood Shy Fellow” who asked, “As we know the one and only FredFest is peeping its head around the corner, usually as my codename could [imply], I’m quite shy, but I’m [willing] to burst out my bubble just a little bit. This question might not pertain to your usual question of love and relationships, but any advice [on] how to burst out of one’s bubble when it comes to anxiety?”
“Carebear” recommended just getting yourself out there, and trying new things.
It could help to go out with friends you feel comfortable with so you aren’t alone. Remember that when going out, you can always leave if you are feeling uncomfortable, and your friends should support that.
If you want to start out a little slower, maybe just try going to a smaller party before FredFest. That might be a bit of an easier experience to help you adjust,
Just go out there and try to have a little fun! And if you feel uncomfortable in the slightest, remember to put yourself first and remove yourself from the situation.
Sex and shame
Have you ever felt embarrassed in the bedroom? Do you feel awkward discussing sex with your partner or in general? Are you worried about sharing your fantasies and sexual desires?
If so, you may be experiencing sexual shame. According to Perspectives Therapy Services, sexual shame is “a feeling of wrongness in our sexual desires, fantasies, and/or acts.”
We feel that one source of sexual shame is the fact that sex is typically thought of as being a taboo topic.
Talking about sex usually results in the divulged or shocked faces of others. With this negative reinforcement, we feel that people may feel shame when discussing the topic.
We here at Lovercall believe that there should be more conversation around sex. Because of this, people can become more educated about how to be safe when having sex and more resources can be provided to those seeking them.
Guests on the show also cited that gender roles also may play a role in sexual shame.
For instance, “Carebear” pointed out that women are often raised believing that they should only have one male partner and should stay pure. However, men are typically encouraged to increase the amount of sexual partners they have and are often rewarded for it.
Because of this, if a woman has multiple sexual experiences, she may feel shame as she was previously thought up on the idea that sexual exploration is “unladylike.”
Other things such as religious beliefs and cultural values can also factor into shame. “Zim” mentioned that virginity is a major aspect of many religions, and when a person loses their virginity, they are told they are “losing a part of themselves they cannot get back.”
But how can we stop this shame that many of us feel?
There are many different methods a person can employ to avoid sexual shame.
We recommend first, being honest with your partner about what your desires are and what you’d like in a sexual relationship. Having a conversation about it lets your partner know what you need and can help avoid the awkwardness.
Additionally, “Bunny” recommends doing shadow work. Ask yourself what factors may have shaped your relationship with your own body. Try to think about what your formative sexual experiences were like. This may help you get some background into why you experience shame for certain things and why.
You could also try journaling about your thoughts. Ask yourself if what you’re writing down actually makes sense. Or, are they just thoughts and nothing more?
It can also help to have a welcoming circle of people who empower you and support you. It’s important to remember that many people feel sexual shame, and you aren’t alone in that.
Reach out!
Do you want to ask the authors of Lovercolumn a question? Do you need advice? Fill out the form by using this QR code. Interested in being a guest on Lovercall? Email frs@fredonia.edu or visit Fredonia Radio Systems, located in McEwen Hall 115 and open Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
“The Plumber” and “The Electrician” are members of Fredonia Radio Systems and are involved in the production of Lovercall.