JACE JACOBS
Assistant Scallion Editor
Content warning: Discussions of death, violence, murder, self-harm, and suicide
My people are dying and no one is doing anything about it.
As a transgender person in the United States, I am exhausted. And I am terrified. I wake up every day to the news that a different state is passing a bill denying my existence. More often than not I wake up to the news that another trans person is fatally wounded, or worse, dead. Victims of unfounded hatred, of fear and darkness in the hearts of the ignorant. And every day I feel a little less. This has become the unfortunate norm for transgender people, and I am tired of it.
According to data collected by the Human Rights Campaign, 33 trans people were victims of “fatal violence.” In the first three months of 2024, four transgender lives were lost to the same. The most heartbreaking instance was sixteen-year-old Nex Benedict, a high school student from Oklahoma.
In 2022, a law was passed in Oklahoma that dictated that all students must use the restroom associated with their sex assigned at birth when in school. Sixteen-year-old student Nex Benedict identified as non-binary and used they/them pronouns, but was required to use the women’s restroom. While there, Nex was attacked by a group of fellow students, who allegedly bashed Nex’s head on the bathroom floor several times. Nex allegedly retaliated by splashing water on the girls, and despite the severity of their retaliation not being anywhere near the violence committed against them, Nex faced a two-week suspension as a consequence.
At home with their grandmother, Nex complained of a sore head and was taken to the hospital. They were discharged, but the next day, Nex collapsed while at home and was rushed back to the ER. They died in the hospital later that day. Within the last few weeks, the beginnings of an autopsy report were released. Nex’s death was ruled a suicide due to an overdose of an antihistamine and an antidepressant. The bathroom attack was ruled to have not had an effect on Nex’s death.
As time marches on, it has become clear that there is no respect for transgender people or the lives they lead. Nearly every day there is news about atrocities committed against trans people and news of bills across the United States attempting to criminalize our very existence.
Why do cisgender people feel they have a right to my body? Why do they have a right to murder me, my friends, my family, my community? Transgender people pose no threat to anyone. We don’t want to hurt anyone, or indoctrinate anyone into our “way of life.”
We just want to live our own lives.
Gender dysphoria is a medical diagnosis wherein one feels the gender they identify as does not match with their sex assigned at birth. Relieving dysphoria can come from something as simple as dressing in a way that reflects one’s identity, or can constitute undergoing hormone replacement therapy and/or gender-affirming surgeries.
As a transgender person, I can say that not many people would choose to go through the grueling processes related to the act of transitioning.
Our options to fit into society are to either jump through the hoops presented to us or be forced into a box that doesn’t fit our entire being. If you jump through the hoops, you are still viewed as a freak or a threat.
If you confine yourself to a box, you feel constricted and like you could collapse in on yourself at any moment.
I would not choose to be transgender. Very few people would. The statistics surrounding the rates of transgender youth considering taking their own lives and committing acts of self-harm exist for a reason. Most trans people have a lived experience surrounding those awful thoughts, and I am no exception.
If I could have been happy and healthy living as a woman, I would have lived that way. But I’ve always known something was off about me. I never fit in with the other girls, I never felt like I belonged anywhere. I hurt myself in many different ways. I threatened to end my own life and attempted to do so several times. I never had a word for my feelings until I reached high school. My parents forced me into therapy with a specialist focused on LGBT youth, and I am so glad that they made the choices they did.
I stayed in the closet until I started college. I was so scared to come out to my family that I did so via a text message, which is one of the worst decisions I have ever made regarding my transition. Despite the learning curve and grieving processes they each went through, my parents and my sister have been nothing but supportive.
When I started hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and binding my chest, life suddenly felt worth living. Things were difficult, especially adjusting to a new way of life and being seen in a new way. I knew I was a man, but so many people still saw me as a woman, or as something they couldn’t define and therefore hated. However I eventually learned to act in a more masculine way out in public in order to pass better earlier on in my transition, and it helped a lot.
Despite where I’m at now, there was a time when using a public restroom was one of the most terrifying things I could do.
Existing in public in a predominantly Republican-leaning area in itself was a risk. I didn’t start fully passing as a male until this past spring/summer, and it’s something I’m still getting used to. I get nervous everywhere I go that I will be clocked, or that I will be hurt.
That anxiety never truly leaves trans people, no matter how long they’ve been transitioning or how well they pass, and at the end of the day, it isn’t right that we’re destined to live our lives in fear.
As I stated earlier, every day there are new reports that signify things are getting worse for trans people in this country. It’s becoming harder and harder to transition.
It’s becoming more difficult for youth to be educated on the proper protocols and procedures necessary to begin a gender transition.
Transgender people just want to be left alone. We don’t want to be perceived as threats. Our existence is not up for debate, and the laws attempting to outlaw us need to stop.
We just want to live our lives, receive the medical care we need, and feel safe out in society.
Transgender healthcare saves lives. It saved mine.