MARISSA BURR
Opinion Editor
Trigger warning: mentions of sexual harassment, sexual assault and self-harm
Women are constantly defying expectations with their accomplishments and abilities, but what seems to ruffle the misogynists’ feathers the most is when stereotypes get shredded — as they should be.
Our society is known for treating women as “less than” by expecting them to hold up archaic standards.
News flash: we are in 2024 and women don’t owe anyone anything.
If men are free to be whatever they’d like, then women deserve nothing less. And for those of you out there who believe that these female stereotypes no longer exist, here are a few that I’ve encountered in the last 21 years.
Dresses are prettier than pants
Throughout middle and high school, if a girl showed up in a dress, everyone would ask why she was dressed up, and who was she dressing for?
A girl could only be beautiful if she was wearing a skirt or dress, so that’s all you saw at dances or special events. If you were wearing pants, you received homophobic slurs and accusatory stares.
But if you didn’t wear pants during school hours, you better do the “hands at your side test” to make sure it was an appropriate length.
Too short of a skirt meant that you couldn’t learn as well and neither could your classmates. Never mind the male teachers who probably enjoyed dress coding a little too much and the blatant sexualization of young girls.
Nobody blamed the stores that only carried dresses that were short or floor-length gowns — there was no middle ground.
I also remember having to spend extra time the night before school shaving my legs in the shower because even though guys could walk around in gym shorts with hairy legs, girls couldn’t.
Not only would the guys say something, but so would other girls.
It was a cutthroat time to be a girl.
Periods are gross
I still have not escaped this stereotype.
Even though girls are getting periods as early as eight or nine years old now, it’s still a taboo subject.
In fifth grade, girls and guys were separated and the girls learned all about periods, tampons and pregnancy. As I went through school, I had to hide pads in my pencil case because we couldn’t carry our backpacks around, and I had to stuff them in my pockets so other people didn’t know I was going to the bathroom to change mine.
Teachers would continuously ask if we “really needed to” go to the bathroom as we were actively bleeding through our clothes.
Four-minute passing periods weren’t enough time, especially if you had a heavy flow like I did.
Menstrual cycles come with uncontrollable bleeding for days, accompanied by horrible cramps, mood swings, cravings, acne flare-ups and breast tenderness.
Yet, this was no reason to miss school or even lie down in the nurse’s office for more than one period. The school wouldn’t send you home, and I grew up in a household where they wouldn’t pick me up either. Periods were just something that happened that we shouldn’t talk about but rather suck it up and take it.
It might be a hot take, but this would not be the attitude if men had to experience them. And if you disagree, look on the internet for videos of men trying period cramp simulators.
I couldn’t talk about periods with my father or brother because it grossed them out, so I never even tried to bring it up to male partners, friends or coworkers.
If it’s so gross, then maybe women shouldn’t have to go to work or school during this time. If it’s so gross, then maybe there should be free menstrual products in the bathroom so we don’t have to carry them on our way there.
If it’s so gross, then maybe boxes of tampons shouldn’t be at least eight dollars for enough tampons to last some women half of a cycle.
They can be free and available everywhere so nobody knows when a woman is actually bleeding.
Women have to be nice to men who make them uncomfortable
I’m just going to start off by saying that the fact that anyone has had to experience this is utter bullshit. The amount of creepy men online that think it’s okay to send messages detailing the sex they’re going to have with you, five minutes into a conversation, is disgusting.
Plus, if you ever listen to their crass comments, they’re describing things that they’ll do to you that will only be enjoyable for them. Even in their pre-foreplay, they don’t care about your pleasure.
In October of 2020, just a week or so after my eighteenth birthday I joined Tinder and matched with this guy the same age.
Well, it turns out he was a pick-me guy, which if you aren’t aware of that category of douches, refers to the guys that continue to say they’re “too ugly” or just a “nice guy” and that’s why they are still single.
They’re essentially fishermen searching for someone to compliment them over and over again. Well, I got sick of it and tried to let the conversations die naturally and slowly stop contacting him and hope he got the message. I was met with dozens of messages in a row asking where I was, then how he knew I was the same as other girls, and that he was going to kill himself if I didn’t answer him.
I blocked him and didn’t care what happened because at that point, I knew that his actions were not my responsibility, nor was unraveling his insecurities.
The thing is, men have this warped sense of entitlement that makes them believe that if they’re nice to women, whether it’s through words, actions, buying them drinks, holding the door, etcetera, they are somehow entitled to get whatever they want from us.
But guess what?
They’re not.
So girls, if you’re out there feeling as though you have to do something for a guy that makes you uncomfortable or who you don’t want to be around, make sure you stay safe and do what is right for you.
They claim they’re so tough, so they should be able to handle your rejection; if they can’t then that says more about them than you.
Women did something to deserve being assaulted
Without a doubt, this is one of the worst ideas that is still a pillar in our society. No one, no matter what they do, where they go, who they talk to, or what they wear, deserves to be assaulted. Nothing in this world gives someone the right to ignore consent and harm another person.
I was assaulted in my own house, wearing pajamas, by my roommate who came home from a party high and didn’t accept the fact that I didn’t want to “fuck” (his words).
Yet, post-assault, I was blamed because I didn’t scream or tell someone right away. I was blamed because I let him and his friend move in with me.
I was blamed because I “could’ve done something to stop it” — which I couldn’t have — but I internalized these thoughts.
It is a “stuck point” in my recovery process, and that is because everyone is so quick to blame the woman for something going wrong.
Women can do so many amazing things, but controlling other people’s actions is not one of them. The sooner that the bigots of the world get that through their heads, the closer we will come to an equal society.