JAY BYRON
Staff Scallywag
I’m back and you’re happy about it! This week, I’m telling you what article of clothing you are and why.
Aries: Jeans. There’s so many different types of jeans. Some people hate you, some people love you. Either way, they’re glad to have you in their wardrobe just in case they need you.
Taurus: Work boots. You’re strong but also very stubborn. I don’t know, it just makes sense.
Gemini: Jorts. You’re jorts. Jean shorts. Not the booty short kind but the dad kind. You’re just that kind of person.
Cancer: A choker! Self explanatory.
Leo: A ball gown. You’re just the life of the party.
Virgo: Booty shorts. You’re ready to have it all hangin’ out. As you should, bestie!
Libra: A plain T-shirt. You’re the most reliable of them all. Very accessible. Very good.
Scorpio: A bangle bracelet. Oooh, how timely! Interesting, even. Unique, possibly. You work well with some and horribly with others. Find your neutral bangle spotlight!
Sagittarius: How do you keep your pants up? Belt.
Capricorn: Dress pants. You love looking like you’re put together even though you definitely are not.
Aquarius: A scarf. You’re a hipster from 2012.
Pisces: You’re a hat. Any kind of hat, of course. You complete the fit.