The Leader
Scallion

[02.22.23] horoscopes

Graphic from The Leader archives.

JAY BYRON
Staff Scallywag

I’m back and you’re happy about it! This week, I’m telling you what article of clothing you are and why.

Aries: Jeans. There’s so many different types of jeans. Some people hate you, some people love you. Either way, they’re glad to have you in their wardrobe just in case they need you.

Taurus: Work boots. You’re strong but also very stubborn. I don’t know, it just makes sense.

Gemini: Jorts. You’re jorts. Jean shorts. Not the booty short kind but the dad kind. You’re just that kind of person.

Cancer: A choker! Self explanatory. 

Leo: A ball gown. You’re just the life of the party.

Virgo: Booty shorts. You’re ready to have it all hangin’ out. As you should, bestie!

Libra: A plain T-shirt. You’re the most reliable of them all. Very accessible. Very good.

Scorpio: A bangle bracelet. Oooh, how timely! Interesting, even. Unique, possibly. You work well with some and horribly with others. Find your neutral bangle spotlight!

Sagittarius: How do you keep your pants up? Belt.

Capricorn: Dress pants. You love looking like you’re put together even though you definitely are not. 

Aquarius: A scarf. You’re a hipster from 2012. 

Pisces: You’re a hat. Any kind of hat, of course. You complete the fit.

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