MEGAN KIDBY
Scallion Editor
In a shocking turn of events that has rocked The Leader’s satire section to its very core, Editor Megan Kidby has officially run out of ideas.
After years of crafting witty headlines, biting commentary and just the right amount of sarcasm to keep the university administration mildly uncomfortable but not legally involved, Kidby has hit a creative wall — one so insurmountable, it might just be the eighth wonder of the world.
“It’s like staring into the abyss,” Kidby whispered, clutching a half-empty coffee cup and what appeared to be a list of half-baked article ideas, including titles such as “Library Introduces New ‘Crying Corner’ for Finals Week (It’s Just a Mirror).” She sighed. “I’ve made fun of Fenton Hall, the dog food smell and that one professor who wears a fedora unironically. What else is left?”
Sources close to Kidby report that her descent into idea drought began last week when she spent three hours staring at a blank Google Doc before dramatically declaring, “This is it. This is how I go.” Attempts to jumpstart her creativity included scrolling through TikTok, watching political debates, and even reading serious news, but to no avail. “I thought about making fun of AI again, but at this point, I’m pretty sure it could write the whole section for me,” she admitted before glancing around nervously and whispering, “Wait. Has it already?”
Desperate, Kidby turned to her loyal ex-Assistant Editor Jace Jacobs, who suggested groundbreaking pitches such as “Satire Editor Writes Article About Running Out of Ideas” (meta), “University Announces Revolutionary ‘Fix the Wi-Fi’ Initiative — Just Kidding” (overdone), and “Breaking: Absolutely Nothing Has Changed Since Last Semester” (painfully accurate). She rejected them all, citing “a deep need to feel original” before immediately Googling “funny things to write about.”
Faculty members and readers alike have expressed concern. “The satire section is the only thing that gets me through my 8 a.m. class,” confessed one student, clutching an old issue of The Leader like a life raft. “If Megan quits, where will I get my weekly dose of passive-aggressive commentary on campus parking?”
In a last-ditch effort to reclaim her former glory, Kidby has reportedly turned to the oldest trick in the book: repackaging old jokes in a way that seems fresh. Expect upcoming pieces such as “University Introduces New Innovation: Windows That Actually Open” and “Professor Insists He’s ‘Not Tech-Savvy’ While Using 47-Tab Spreadsheet.”
As of press time, Kidby was last seen staring at a blank page, whispering, “Maybe the real satire was the friends we made along the way.”