TARA DACTYL
Special to The Lampoon
Fredonia Village police arrived on the scene as a noisy dispute took place outside of Sunny’s this past Thursday. Sunny’s, Fredonia’s premier social bar, is located on Water Street next to the critically acclaimed Club 35. The dispute, which happened around 11:30 p.m., was between T.J. Wallace, the bouncer working at Sunny’s, and Steven Jenkins, a senior communications studies major at Fredonia State University of New York.
“It’s just so frustrating and I don’t understand,” said Jenkins the day after the argument. “I handed [Wallace] my drivers license and he told me he could tell it was fake and wouldn’t let me in. I swear it’s real! I turned 21 on Monday!”
Wallace has been a bouncer at Sunny’s for twenty years. He said he takes his job extremely seriously and has seen every trick in the book.
“There were three aspects of [Jenkins’] ID that let me know immediately that it was fake,” said Wallace. “Firstly, it was a New York State license. In all my years working for Sunny’s, I’ve only seen a handful of those. Usually, I get handed out-of-state IDs and those are the ones I trust.
“Secondly,” continued Wallace, “It didn’t say the words ‘UNDER 21’ on it — it wasn’t expired. The New York IDs that I let into the club—and I rarely let them in—are always expired. That’s how I know they’re real.
“And lastly, the picture on the ID card looked exactly like him. The fact that the picture looked so accurate immediately pointed to it being doctored and changed. The IDs that I see never look that much like the person handing it to me,” said Wallace. “I can’t believe [Jenkins] thought he could get his fake ID past me.”
Upon getting rejected from the bar, Jenkins lost his temper and started yelling at Wallace. A crowd was drawn after Jenkins started punching the air and yelling obscenities into the street.
“I just couldn’t contain myself,” said Jenkins. “I was happily intoxicated, enjoying my birthday week celebrations, and this idiot had to ruin it. My license is f*****g real!”
After arriving on the scene, police issued Wallace and Jenkins appearance tickets for disorderly conduct. As for Jenkins’ license, police say it’s authentic.
“This whole situation is ludicrous,” said officer Matthew Smith of the Fredonia Police Department. “Jenkins has the new New York State driver’s license. These new cards are made specifically to be impossible to chalk or replicate. I don’t even need to run the license through the system to know it’s a real ID.”
Smith did try to reason with Wallace but it was to no avail.
“I didn’t appreciate the police trying to tell me how to do my job,” said Wallace. “Twenty years I’ve been doing this and I feel I’m responsible for maintaining Sunny’s wholesome reputation. No reason to fix what ain’t broke.”
Upon receiving the appearance ticket, Jenkins did not continue to attempt to get into Sunny’s.
“I just went home,” said Jenkins. “I had gone to Coughlan’s Pub right before so I was good. I only tried to go to Sunny’s because my little sister, who’s a freshman, wanted to celebrate my birthday with me at a bar.”
Jenkins’ sister reported having no issues getting into Sunny’s that night.