AWKWARD ANNIE
Special to The Lampoon
Can you remember the last time you got a good night’s sleep? Probably not. We are in college, so a restful night to us is getting about five hours. Since we are in a zombied state most of the time already, add a lecture aboutmaterial you don’t know on top of that, and there is no way you’re not zoning out during class.
Professors have to know that, when they teach an evening class (right around the prime nap time of 4 p.m.), some of the students are just not gonna make it through the whole class. The ambiance of some of these lecture-styleclasses just beckon your eyes to shut and your head to suddenly gain about 20 pounds. It is even worse when the lights are basically off and you feel that soup from Timmy’s just warming you right up until you notice you have had your eyes blinked for longer than three seconds. Pretty soon, it is impossible to copy the notes down and you just start gently falling forward only to snap awake at the exact moment you were going to eat the desk.
What really makes you feel like an ass is when you are sitting in the front row of a class and start to zone out. You aren’t completely sleeping at this point, but you are reaching that state of mind where you can’t really hear the articulation of words anymore and you are kind of just jellin’. Your hypnosis is then broken by the sound of a name that is almost yours, and when you look up, your professor is staring at you with a half smile waiting for your response. The professor absolutely knows you were reaching that state of Narnia and wants to make a point of calling you out on it.
As you frantically scan the room for help from your classmates and only see blank stares and shared panic, you muster up the typical response of asking to hear the question again. What really makes you a winner is when you can’t even answer the question when you are asked again.
We all want to believe that we have never fallen asleep in class, that only a certain type of lazy can do that, but, trust me, it has happened before. If you don’t believe me, just check your notes. If you ever see that sometimes the words become very small or all of a sudden cursive and they trail up to one side then welcome to the club my friend; we’ve been expecting you.