LEO FRANK
Lampoon Editor
Just you:
1. Cloud. The key to pulling this costume off is to lay down in a body of water and wait until the heat of the sun evaporates you up into the sky. Make it rain this Halloween.
2. Beam of Light. You’ve travelled 75,000 light years to be at this party and, damn it, you’re gonna have fun. Try refracting yourself into differently-colored prisms for a personal twist.
3. Streetlight. Want a super unique costume that isn’t over the top? Try a streetlight. I guarantee you that you’ll be the only one at the party.
4. A 1998 iMac. You are the 1998 iMac: you have a strong visual aesthetic, you’ve inspired droves of copycats and you are just rocking that 400 MHz processor. Go get ‘em.
5. The wind. Actually dressing up as the wind might be difficult, due largely, I imagine, to people confusing you for a ghost or something. For the sake of clarity, try saying things like, “I am the result of pressure differences between air pockets of different temperatures,” and, “I sent a tree branch through Leo’s mom’s windshield in October of 2007 and a bad time was had by all.”
Couples:
6. Ripples in glass of water/rumbling footsteps beyond the horizon. Did you and your partner watch the part in Jurassic Park where the T-Rex is coming and this happens and think, “That is so us?” Then place your order now, because these costumes are gonna sell out faster than you can say “[dinosaur screaming noise.]”
7. The moon/a wolf. The two of you make up a haunting, classic — even iconic — image. You are at once beautiful and profoundly scary. Own it.
8. Pen/paper. What is a pen with nothing on which to write? What is a page without writing? I don’t know. Useless, I guess. So this is either super cute or like, toxic, depending on how you look at it.
9. A pair of robot dogs running across a grassy field together.
10. The twin suns of a binary solar system. I’ll go out on a limb and say that, to some extent, every couple feels like a pair of flaming gas balls orbiting a common center of mass. And it doesn’t hurt that the stars in a binary system are referred to by their respective temperatures, as “hot companion” and “cool companion.” Sound like you and your beau? You bet it does.