COLIN PERRY
Special to The Lampoon
University Police members are struggling to identify the meaning behind a series of alleged vandalism attacks across campus. The mysterious tag, pictured here, has been found painted across many of the university’s signs, hung on banners and even somehow hacked into the university’s website.
“We are working to identify the culprits here, but I think, more importantly, we need to figure out what the hell this even means,” said University Police officer Ralph Dinkley. “Normally when we find graffiti, it’s a few letters or maybe a little animal symbol. But this is a whole new level of confusing,” he added.
Some leads have developed since the perplexing tags were first spotted.
“See, the left thing looks like an “F,” but one of the other guys said there was a second “F” in there too.
Now, we’ve ran every test we’ve got on this thing, and we’re still not sure what the case is on that,” said Dinkley.
The case has developed enough to the point that a student-volunteer taskforce has assembled, trying to decode the cryptic image. Junior visual arts major Dan Plaminsky has spent much of his free time in the last week attempting to decipher its message.
“We’ve exhausted a lot of theories, but there are new ones too. One kid said the thing on top looked like a motorboat, which I can almost see,” he said.
University Police are asking that if anybody has information on identifying the vandals or, more importantly, comprehending what the artist is trying to say through this mystifying symbol, to please contact them immediately.