AWKWARD ANNIE
Staff Lampoonist
Most of the time, I try to say hello to everyone I have ever been acquainted with. If I met you in line for food, if you are in one of my classes, if we have the same backpack, I’m going to stare at you until you notice me.
Saying hi to someone, or just being friendly, can really brighten people’s days and you’ll feel good doing it. The only downside of this is when they don’t see your act of kindness or hear your outreach of friendship.
The worst is when you are walking a good twenty feet behind your friend and you call out their name and they don’t hear you. Then you’re just that random person shouting into the void; everyone looks at you with shared confusion as to why you are screaming by yourself. It looks like you are either singing or you just had a small stroke— either one. I once was following behind my two friends and tried to summon them at least six times, only to be left walking alone in the dark with the judgmental whispers of those around me to fill the silence.
The other morning, I was heading to class and saw a friend of a friend who knew me coming towards me. First I tried to meet his gaze by staring at him — then I tried to yell “hi” to him. Me yelling is basically just my voice getting high enough to pierce through the ears of dogs and small children. When he finally saw me he was like, “Oh I didn’t even recognize you.” Now, reader, this was most likely because I had no trace of makeup on and had just rolled out of bed, put on my glasses and my boyfriend’s flannel and booked it to class.
My cunning response for when people catch me on an off day is, “I’m in disguise.” This is basically my way of saying, yeah, I know I look like a goblin. Either way, saying hello to someone is always a risk because you never know if they will come out of their sleep coma to register your greeting in time. My advice is to do it anyways because you have nothing to lose but the small amount of energy you just used forming a word.