ANITA TENSION
Special to the Lampoon
This semester’s activities night, where on-campus organizations court prospective members, will feature several new groups. Among these, the one generating the most buzz is a new fraternity, ‘Jama Pie,” which bills itself as an inclusive, “chill community for people who just want to hang out and wear pajamas while eating pie.”
“It’ll be super low-key,” says Shane Cartwright, the student behind the group’s formation. “There will be no booze at our events. Just high-quality baked goods and outrageously comfortable pants.”
Those hoping to attend ‘Jama Pie social gatherings will be subject to certain criteria. But instead of the ubiquitous “Who do you know here?” attendees will be asked whether or not their waistbands are elastic, whether or not their shoes are comfy as shit and if they brought their own pie. Anyone not meeting all three conditions will be turned away.
“Also we’re going to haze the ever-loving heck out of prospective members,” said Cartwright. “But, like,you just have to partake in a pie-eating contest.
“Bring Your Own Pie,” he added.
Other new groups being welcomed to the campus community this Wednesday include Club Club, a group for people with ambitions but no concrete goals, and Alcoholics Unanimous, for people who know or suspect they have a problem but frankly just don’t care.