AMANDA DEDIE
Assistant News Editor
Welcome to Fredonia, noobs! Feeling terrified? Have no one to show you the ropes? The Fredonia Lampoon is here to help steer you in the right direction. Here are the top ten tips for incoming freshmen:
1. Wear your lanyard around your neck. Always. Everywhere you go. Why potentially lose your keys and card and having to pay the awful replacement fees? Better not to risk it.
2. Always, always talk about your course load to other students, especially if you’re in a really difficult major. People love hearing how much harder your major is than theirs. It makes them complain less and realize how lucky they are!
3. Wear the Fredonia tshirt you got at orientation! Constantly. Other freshmen will be able to find you in a crowd, and boom—instant friends.
4. You don’t need an invite to parties. This is college. Assert your independence. You don’t need to ask for permission for anything, my friends. Show up, shriek “ALRIGHT CHUMPS, LET’S DO THIS. LEROYYYYY JENKIIIIINS.” Everyone loves a throwback meme and a person who bursts into a party unannounced to show these chumps what a REAL good time is!
5. Stuff your backpack with as much as you can. Textbooks. Separate notebooks for each class. Pencil case. A lunch packed lovingly by your mother. Anything goes. The bigger the backpack, the more serious and studious you look.
6. Sign up for all 8 a.m. classes. Get them out of the way so you have the rest of the day to watch Netflix and Facebook stalk former high school classmates to see if they’re doing anything interesting with their lives. (Side note: They probably aren’t.)
7. On that note, never show up for your 8 a.m. classes. It’s at EIGHT IN THE MORNING, guys. Even the professor will be too tired to even bother taking attendance, and there’s always that one “morning person” there, pen in hand, ready to take notes. Just send out a group message on ANGEL to find that one kid that takes notes, and you’re all set for the semester.
8. Go to Grissom. Just trust me on this one, okay? Just go. You won’t regret it. Promise.