PHYLLIS T. CUPP
Lampoonist
#DoYourJob has recently been trending on Twitter. This was an excellent reminder that there are some people in this country who get paid to sit around and not do their jobs. I was also reminded that I haven’t had a shift at the local strip club, Baby Dolls, in 15 years.
#DoYourJob was about Kim Davis, a county clerk from Kentucky who denied gay people marriage licenses — even though her job is to give out marriage licenses. She was sentenced on June 26 after videos of her refusing marriage licenses to the LGBT+ community went viral.
She was held in contempt of court for failing to do her job; I was contemptuous of that tacky onesie.
Davis, who used none other than God as her scapegoat for homophobia, was released from jail on Tuesday, though she was only there for four days. Davis has already had three failed marriages, but her conviction in the sanctity of marriage is still strong.
There are rumors that Davis isn’t even religious, and that her second husband left her to pursue a relationship with her first husband. She has yet to get over it.
Just one week after her release from prison, Joe, her current and fourth husband, filed for divorce. Davis was reportedly “sad, but [she] made a lot of really intimate connections in jail. They have been a great comfort.”
“She just hates a lot of people,” Joe said in a private interview. He didn’t give us his last name. “I realized that if she just randomly hates people because of God, she could find a way to randomly hate me.”
Davis refused to comment. She is now seen as a Christian superhero; her release from jail was accompanied by Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger” and at least a dozen screaming fans.
“There’s also the issue of her wardrobe,” Joe continued. “You get paid $80,000 a year, you don’t even do your job, and you’re going to wear that?”
The divorce was finalized before Davis returned to work last week, and it seems she will continue to not serve marriage licenses. This time, though, she’s not serving them to anyone, because she’s a little upset.
Quite obviously, being a little upset can go a long way.