- EMMO
Staff Lampoonist
Recently it was leaked, and then later confirmed, that Pope Francis had a secret meeting with infamous Kentucky County Clerk Kim Davis. Yes, she’s the one who refused to give out marriage licenses to gay couples. The meeting was announced by Davis’ lawyer, but was not verified until after the Vicar of Christ had returned to Rome.
Davis claimed that the Supreme Pontiff “thanked her for her courage,” told her to “stay strong” and even asked her to “pray for him.”
Francis has had a reputation of being a progressive pope, and even to some, an ally of the queer community. The news of the Pope’s secret meeting with villain of the queer community has seemed to tarnish Francis’s reputation in the eyes of many liberals.
For those of you who feel betrayed by His Holiness, the good news is there is more to the story. The secret meeting with Davis was not the only rendezvous carried out incognito by the pontiff. Francis had a lot to say in an exclusive interview with the Lampoon.
“I met with her. That is true. I have not denied that,” said Francis.
The pope was asked about the validity of Davis’s claims about what was said during their meeting.
“She told me a lot of things that she never admitted to anybody else. She needed to know that she is accepted, and that she is very brave. A lot of what I said to her was in very specific context,” admitted Francis. “She came clean about ‘sinful urges’ that she could not control. Mrs. Davis was very remorseful. It took a lot of courage for a woman like her to admit to being homosexual.”
So the truth comes out — Davis is a lesbian.
She has not changed her stance against gay marriage, however. Even though she struggles with her own sexuality, she still upholds her view that marriage should only be between a man and a woman.
Francis went on to say that he considers her a “true hero” for repressing her lesbian urges and that “God will forgive her for her sins.”
“There’s nothing more honorable than sticking to your faith, even if it means denying who you are,” said Francis, wiping a tear from his eye.
The Pope was emotionally moved by Davis’ actions and had to pause for a few moments before he could continue on. After regaining composure, he lightened the mood by joking that his only disappointment with her is that “she’s not Catholic.” He laughed at his own joke then threw his hands up, shrugged and exclaimed, “who am I to judge?”