PHYLLIS T. CUPP
Lampoonist
CNN and Facebook hosted the Democratic debate on Tuesday, Oct. 13. Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, Senator Bernie Sanders, Former Governor of Maryland Martin O’Malley and Lincoln Chafee, a political reincarnation of Peewee Herman, met to discuss their platforms and issues for the country to hear.
But one more politician was added to the mix — a man no one saw coming.
“I have a record for working across the political aisle,” said former senator and presidential hopeful Jim Webb. “I’ve also spent more than half of my professional life away from politics in the independent world of being an author, a journalist and a sole proprietor.”
As soon as Webb stepped onto the scene, an awestruck crowd watched in silence as he perfectly executed his terribly written index cards.
“I came here for Hillary, but as soon as I saw Jim up there with his red, sweaty face, I knew things were about to change,” said Hillary Clinton.
Internet polls clearly showed Webb as the Democratic frontrunner after the debate: surveys conducted through esteemed websites like Neopets and Myspace indicated that his polling jumped from .04 percent to an astounding 84 percent — and no one is too surprised.
The interesting thing about this, however, is how little social media coverage Webb has received since the debate: it seems everyone is talking about Sanders every chance they get.
“CNN is corrupt. It’s obvious that Bernie won the internet vote, and they’re only talking about Hillary,” said Polly Tickle, a “#BernFeeler.”
However, when we asked her about her views on Webb, she said “Was that the old white guy who looked like he was on laughing gas? Or the old white guy who has the most beautiful bone structure I’ve ever seen?”
Sadly, neither of these descriptions were accurate. She then exclaimed, “Oh! You mean ‘White Kanye!’”
Webb’s nickname, “White Kanye,” was given to him after the debate for his “I’m gonna let you finish” mentality. If ever a Democratic candidate went over the allotted two-minute response time, even by three or four seconds, Webb would fabricate an hour-long monologue with the excuse: “Well, you’re givin’ them 10 minutes over there.”
His ability to stand up for himself and have his voice heard was what really won over the hearts of Americans. That, and the instance when he forgot his daughter’s name in his introduction, have made the former senator a prolific new face in the Democratic race.
His sudden appearance begs the question: how long before even you get stuck on the Webb?