- EMMO
Staff Lampoonist
Fredonia’s Annual Graduate School Fair had a lot of people thinking about their plans for post graduation. Grad school is a great option for some undergrads to find a career path that suits them.
You may not have an interest in grad school and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t smart enough to pursue more than a bachelor’s. It could be that you’re too smart for grad school.
Let’s keep in mind that some of the brightest minds never even graduated from college — Kanye West, Hitler and Billy Mays to name a few.
If grad school isn’t for you, don’t sweat it. There are so many more options out there. To give you some ideas about what you can do after you graduate, here is a list of 10 things you can do besides go to grad school:
- Convince yourself that you could have easily gone to and finished grad school if you wanted to. This way, you can have the satisfaction of knowing you could finish grad school without spending the time or money. Hell, go online and print yourself a Ph.D. You deserve it.
- Now that you have so much free time, you can finally catch up on all the shows you’ve been meaning to catch up on. You won’t have your college friends to get high with while you watch after you graduate, but it’s just as fun alone. You can be creative and have imaginary conversations with them in your head if you get lonely.
- It might not be a bad idea to start paying off some of those student loans. Get a shitty job that is not by any stretch of the imagination related to your major.
- Convince first yourself, then your friends and family that your “big break” is coming soon. If you say something enough times it becomes true.
- Get involved in Multi-Level Marketing. Try to convince your friends to join, and get really defensive when they say it’s a scam. You’ll make millions and show them.
- Watch nothing but self-help and motivational videos for months. Try to use the psychological tricks you’ve learned on friends, family and even strangers!
- Become obsessed with a conspiracy theory, like the one where shapeshifting, bloodsucking, mind-controlling reptilian humanoids secretly run the world and all world leaders are actually reptilian humanoids. Don’t listen those who say you’re paranoid, they’re either sheeple or they’re in on the conspiracy.
- Use a plastic gaming headset and your laptop camera to make remixes of hip hop songs on your YouTube channel. How do you know you won’t get a record deal unless you put yourself out there? Also, make a SoundCloud. People will think you’re a real artist if you have a SoundCloud.
- Give up your worldly possessions and pleasures of the flesh. Live the life of an ascetic. Doing this kills two birds with one stone — it gives you an excuse for not using your degree and helps you cope with being poor for the rest of your life.
- Start a bottlecap collection. It will instantly make you more interesting and make people want to date you. Your professors have been telling you every semester to fill your resume with stuff to make yourself stand out, and this is exactly the type of thing they mean. Plus, when the apocalypse happens and currency inevitably becomes bottlecaps, you’ll be the richest person on the planet!