MISSY FEOLA
Staff Lampoonist
As seen on Yik Yak:
Fredonia campus starts ‘Harry Potter’-based point system for residence halls
Fredonia has recently started awarding “Dorm Points” to the housing halls on campus. While these points mean little less than an opportunity for bragging rights, students are getting involved on campus in order to win as many points that they can.
Students can earn points if they are found studying in the common room, or getting up in the morning before 8 a.m. Also, for every dorm door decorated for Halloween, the residence hall will earn 10 points. Anytime that a student utters the words, “Let’s go to the Reed Library instead of Sunnys tonight,” and then actually goes to the Reed Library, the residence hall will earn 50 points.
If you are heard playing any song by Beyoncé, your hall will receive 70 points. On the other hand, if you are heard playing Fetty Wap, you will be disqualified from the competition.
Points can be deducted for various reasons. For each student caught sleeping in past 11 a.m., or running late to their classes, there will be a deduction of 20 points. Thirty points are deducted for every mention of the residence hall on Yik Yak. Unused condoms found on the floors result in a loss of 40 points, but 100 points are lost for used condoms found on the floors.
For every student heard fornicating through the walls of the dorm rooms, there will be a loss of 80 points. Students will lose 100 points for any forgotten clothes in washing machines or dryers. One hundred and fifty points are deducted for every intoxicated person found wandering the halls before 10 p.m. Finally, 200 points are deducted for any puke, urination or feces found on the walls of the bathrooms.
Hendrix Hall is in the lead right now with a whopping 400 points, and Disney Hall is a close second with 350 points. In second to last place is Alumni hall, with five points, followed by Grissom with -60 points. Sorry, Grissom. Better luck next semester.
As long as you aren’t in Grissom or Alumni Hall, you still have a chance in this competition. The point system can be pretty flexible. If you can think of your own creative ways to earn them, it just may work. Good luck, on-campus students!