PHYLLIS T. CUPP
Lampoonist
The Democratic debate is still abuzz in everyone’s mind from earlier this month. Between the polls on CNN vs. the polls on Facebook, “not talking about Hillary’s emails” becoming the new fad topic and George O’Malley making curious Democrats stand in salute, there was something for everyone.
But what we never see enough of are the presidential candidates in their personal lives. Who wouldn’t want to see Bernie Sanders’ baby pictures? Who wouldn’t want to know how much Lincoln Chafee’s mother hugged him as a child?
Though we simple voters could think of a million different questions to ask potential presidents, one thing we all want to know is this: Who is Hillary Clinton wearing — for Halloween?
It’s not new that Donald Trump was seen last year wearing a 100-dollar bill as a loincloth in a reinvented portrayal of Adam, but this year’s surprise costume goes to Clinton.
“Ya know, it is kind of comfortable in here,” Clinton said, modeling her Sanders face mask and three-piece suit. “I could see why he lives like this.”
In response to allegations that Clinton is now adopting platform ideals from Sanders, she wanted to quell the rumor right away with a bit of humor. She has decided to be Bernie Sanders for Halloween.
“I think I’m getting the hand motions down,” she said. “The ‘fed-up’ temperament is going to take some work, though.”
What’s truly odd, however, is that reports have come in that Clinton hasn’t been seen without the costume in days. Witnesses say she sleeps next to the costume and puts it on as soon as she wakes up. Others claim that it’s a problem that goes beyond that.
“She went to the store in it the other day,” said Washington, D.C. shopper Melissa Groshries. “I saw her walking around, buying fruit. I could barely recognize her.”
“I’ve always loved Halloween,” Clinton said with a noticeable croak in her throat. “Any chance to give out free food to children should be taken.”