STU PADIDDY
Certified Racist
White America this week is up in arms about the new “Star Wars: Episode VII” trailer — and, more specifically, the race of the main character. Apparently, when George Lucas sold the “Star Wars” franchise to Disney, he also sold the saga’s Aryan validity.
According to Twitter-user Joseph Oteng, “Even in a galaxy far far away black people exist and can be dynamic characters too.”
But he forgot to mention that none of the other main characters in Star Wars have ever been black before. So why now?
This racism against me, a white man, has gone too far. We already have a black president, and now we’re expected to watch black people in movies, too? It seems to me that there’s some sort of conspiracy that is trying to instill equality between all people, and it’s absolutely outrageous.
This is why me and other people who share my views (that we should keep Star Wars white) have started a petition to end racial film integration when it doesn’t need to be integrated.
Maybe if John Boyega were playing a slave instead of a stormtrooper, the movie would be more realistic, but we keep seeing all of our white jobs being taken over by black people — and it needs to stop.
THE FEVER
Staff Lampoonist
With racism running amok, it’s no surprise that there is outrage over the casting choice for “Star Wars: Episode VII” — more specifically, the casting of John Boyega, a black man, as one of the main characters in the iconic series.
According to Certified Racist Stu Padiddy, this takes away from the saga’s “Aryan validity.” To that I would like to offer the following counter-argument to everything spewed in Padiddy’s bigotry.
For those of you who are educated and aware, there has always been some form of diversity in the Star Wars franchise — perhaps not as diverse as it could be, but there is diversity nonetheless. This can be proven by watching these movies that flaunt actors such as Samuel L. Jackson, Billy Dee Williams and Darth Vader himself (a main character) being voiced by James Earl Jones.
You’re okay with a bunch of aliens and Sasquatch-esque things running around, but God forbid a black man takes the silver screen? Oh wait, that already happened — multiple times.
Also, Padiddy, I hate to break it to you, but if you would like to know why there is a black president, I can sum it up very simply — we voted him in. And equality between all people is no conspiracy; it is a long overdue way of life which should have been adopted a long time ago, but not in a galaxy far far away.