MISSY FEOLA
Staff Lampoonist
Fredonia is only a few people away from making it into the Guinness Book of World Records for having the longest line ever at a Tim Hortons. At 2 p.m. on Nov. 8, it was recorded that the line for the on-campus Tim Hortons had 346 people in it, and continued to grow, even hours and hours later. The line stretched all the way outside of the Williams Center, over the stairs next to the Reed Library and then stops in front of Fenton Hall.
The Tim Hortons employees were doing the best that they could to have the line move swiftly, but alas, they are only mere workers. Not even Tim Horton himself could get this line to move any quicker. The workers were putting their blood, sweat and beers (for that extra kick) into the food. Even so, students were losing patience more and more every minute.
“I’ve been waiting in this line for 10 hours straight now. I think my stomach is starting to eat itself,” said senior Albie Wayton whilst standing in line with 140 people still ahead of him.
Vendors were walking around offering water and snacks for students who had been waiting to prevent anyone from passing out. People were nice enough to save one another’s spots in line while they took bathroom breaks. A few students brought lawn chairs to sit on while they waited, so they could rest their tired, aching feet.
Some were simply waiting for their daily cup of coffee. Others just want a mouthwatering crispy chicken sandwich. But most of all, students really, really wanted the angus steak and cheese sandwiches. A recent poll concluded that about 65 percent of students in the line were waiting to get a Tim Hortons famous angus sandwich. That’s about 224 angus steak and cheese sandwiches being made every hour.
As the students grew hungrier, the line became roudier. University Police had been called on numerous occasions to calm down students who were starting riots. Some were heard chanting “Give me Timmy’s, or give me death.” A group of people waiting outside in the dropping temperatures were heard yelling, “Egg and cheese, before we freeze!”
There is actually a name for this Tim Hortons-driven hysteria. The condition is called “Tim’s Syndrome,” which is a severe addiction to Tim Hortons food and beverage. Many students have begun experiencing withdrawal symptoms from Tim Hortons due to the long line, and have had to be brought to a rehabilitation facility. It is strongly encouraged that students try to come to terms with the fact that they have a problem, so that they can work on overcoming it.
The addictive quality of the food may lead some to believe that the food is laced with some kind of drug. But when asked, the employees denied any such claims. The food is just simply that good.
Some may have waited over 10 hours only to find out that their favorite food was gone. One thing is for sure: there’s nothing worse than standing near a person who has stood in line all day, just to find out there were no more steak sandwiches.