CHARLES PRITCHARD
Staff Writer
Halloween has come and gone, and there’s only one question on everyone’s lips: how much ecstasy did kids really end up with in their goody bags?
A number of candies, which look like everything from smarties to knock-off gummy bears, have been popping up lately, and they’re not meant for kids; oh no, these candies are laced with methylenedioxy-methamphetamine, or “ecstasy,” as the hip kids call it.
Yes, these candies look like they’re made to appeal to children: Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Nintendo and a whole host of other well-known symbols that have been copy-right infringed, found their way into the bags of candy that children planned to take home that night.
Police took to the streets to help parents and comfort children who were under the effects of ecstasy. Andy Monico of the Dunkirk Police Department said some symptoms of the drug include high levels of energy, increased friendliness and insomnia.
“Yeah, it’s real hard to tell the difference between the kids hopped up on the damn ‘E’ and the others who are just riding a sugar rush,” he said. “Now you see our problem here on Halloween night when these sickos are handing the ecstasy out like it was candy. Which is precisely the problem, come to think of it.”
One child, whose Dunkirk parents wish her to remain anonymous, recounted her experience with an overly friendly man.
“I walked up to the door, and he gave me a Hershey bar, and then he asked if I wanted Molly. I didn’t know who Molly was, so I asked him and he just said ‘No, Molly,’ and I asked again who Molly was, and he closed the door,” she said. “I think maybe Molly was his dog.”
Little did she know, “Molly” is a form of ecstasy. It seems as though the child’s innocence saved them quite the trip. But not all children were that lucky on Halloween night, according to Monico.
“Now ya see, when we think one of these little tykes got ol’ Molly dancing a number in their heads, we grab to confirm our suspicions,” said Monico. “We do this by throwing them in the patrol car with the heat on. It may not seem like the most humane solution, but once they get in there, you know within the next minute cause they get all sweaty-like and twitchy.
“Gotta get ‘em to a hospital after that, though before they pass out,” the officer continued. “My partner Don likes to wave his flashlight in their eyes, too. Don’t really do anything good for ‘em, but it’s fun to see them look like they’re about to be abducted by aliens.”
Police reported that over 12 children were under the influence of ecstasy after eating candy given to them while trick-or-treating.
The moral of the story and what everyone must do to prevent this is obvious: don’t let your kids eat candy until you’ve sorted it apart from anything illicit in their bags.
That way, you can sell it yourself and profit off your kid’s hard work.