THE FEVER
Staff Lampoonist
After selling a whopping 12 million copies in just one day, “Fallout 4” has made history, even beating out the highly popular “Grand Theft Auto V.” Along with 12 million copies, there have been 12 million missing persons reports filed worldwide since the game’s release, with the missing people vanishing out of nowhere.
Fredonia police have received 10,000 of these reports, mainly in regard to missing students.
“In the past couple of days we have received a number of missing persons reports,” began Detective Valentine of Fredonia Police. “The connection is that they all own this ‘Fallout 4’ game.”
Two of these missing persons have been found so far, according to the detective.
“A set of roommates went missing, so we investigated their room. We found them there, malnourished and fighting over a Playstation controller to play the game,” continued Valentine.
After the anonymous students were taken to intensive care and brought back to health, they shared their experience with the game.
“I’ve been inside for a whole week? I swear it was just a couple of hours,” said the one student. “Wow, I lost a lot of weight. Maybe they should make this a diet program.”
Along with the loss of weight and a social life, the two recovered students also haven’t attended any classes for the entire week.
“I just checked my grades. I didn’t know it was possible to get an F-. I should probably talk to my advisor, but I need to finish looting that vault first,” the student continued as he played “Fallout 4.”
With this discovery, it is likely that all of the missing people are in the same scenario, which has been coined as “Fallout Fever.” Fredonia Police and University Police are working together to recover missing students and residents from their rooms, and to put an end to the Fallout Fever.