EMMO
Staff Lampoonist
For over a millennium the week before finals has been dubbed “dead week.” Historians have known for a long time now that the history of “dead week” traces back to the Early Middle Ages in Europe.
During Charlemagne’s rule, the “Carolingian Renovatio,” also known as the first Medieval Renaissance, marked the beginning of the “dead week” tradition.
Palace schools decided that after a 15-week semester, students would then have to take — at the discretion of the instructors — final exams, which would be worth anywhere from 20 to 40 percent of their final grades.
Since all of the students had final papers and exams to study for, no events were scheduled for the week before exams. Thus, “dead week” was born.
That’s enough talk about the history. Let’s get to the point, shall we?
Some people are offended by the term “dead week.” They believe it to be too harsh a term. Senior psychology major Trey Gerd explained why he despises the term “dead week:”
“It’s not only offensive to the week itself — it implies that being dead is a bad thing. How offensive is that to everyone who has died?”
Gerd raises an interesting point: Should we really refer to pre-finals week as “dead week?”
Junior business major Percy Stant said we should.
“It’s always been ‘dead week.’ My daddy called it ‘dead week.’ His daddy called it ‘dead week.’ His daddy’s daddy called it “dead week.’ My family has always fought tooth and nail against change of any kind, and that’s not gonna end with me.”
However, it seems Fredonia has sided with Gerd, who has contacted Student Affairs personally. It has listened to his concerns and decided to take action, but they cannot solve this problem alone.
Student Affairs has decided to rename “dead week,” but wants the input of students before making a decision. A list of possible alternative names to “dead week” for students to vote on has been created as follows:
Passed away week
Bit the dust week
Dirt nap week
No longer with us week
Sleeping with the fishes week
Expired week
Cease to be week
Met their maker week
Ancestors week
Immortality-challenged week
Worm food week
Kicked the bucket week
Pushing up daisies week
Wiped off the face of the Earth week
Though they are no longer here physically, their spirits live on week
Not alive week
Voting will be held in McEwen every day this week from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m, ending on Friday. Be sure to vote — the decision is grave!