THE FEVER
Assistant Lampoonist
When someone mentions Martin O’Malley, the common response is “Who?”
Currently in the running for President, the former governor of Maryland has been lost in the ever-growing shadows of Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders since the beginning. With a consistent 2 percent approval rating nationally, O’Malley has now come to terms with his role as the chihuahua in a pen full of rottweilers.
With this revelation made crystal clear, he is now interested in being Vice President to Bernie Sanders, should he get elected. O’Malley never had much to say about the Vermont senator until this ideal came to light.
“He’s great. A genuine man with the betterment of America as his top priority, rather than his wallet,” O’Malley began, expressing his admiration for Senator Sanders. “He’s also old. Very old.”
When asked to elaborate on his last comment, the former governor obliged.
“Bernie’s not a young guy. Let’s face it, he’s one broken hip away from needing a walker,” he said. “I feel that if, God forbid, something happened to him while in office, someone would need to fulfill his legacy. So why not change his diaper in the meantime?”
This action was supposedly recommended to him by his campaign manager, with the idea that he could still potentially become the president this way, even with a low approval rating.
While O’Malley refused to comment any further, his campaign manager generously went on to explain in further detail.
“I believe mister O’Malley would be a fantastic president. However, 98 percent of people would disagree,” his campaign manager began. “With this plan of action, not only does his chance of becoming president increase drastically, but it doesn’t matter what his approval rating is.”
He continued, “As vice president, O’Malley would be next in line for president for the next four to eight years, no matter his approval rating.”
O’Malley also expressed interested to be the running mate of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, with the idea that impeachment could come soon after inauguration. Only time will tell if Martin O’Malley is even wanted by these candidates.