RAVIOLI
Special to the Lampoon
Kanye West’s new album, “The Life of Pablo” has created a whirlwind of commotion over the course of just a few weeks. Between being released to the public for just hours and West’s recent perplexing claim that the album will “never be for sale,” “The Life of Pablo” has become an anomaly for the music industry and a catalyst for disaster for the public.
Every bizarre scenario surrounding West’s new album has caused people all over the planet to go postal. If that wasn’t enough, scientists revealed that global warming has reached a critical point in recent weeks — but they cannot fathom why.
News teams were lusting to hear what people thought about the chaos surrounding “Pablo.” One New York State resident stated “It’s just typical Kanye, the album is basically trash.”
This opinion was displayed clearly as people were seen burning “Pablo” albums — which had only been released digitally — onto physical discs just so they could literally burn the album. Landfills were growing miles high as albums (an impressively large amount considering their two-hour market life) piled up “where they belong” as many individuals mentioned.
More people were interviewed about this history-making occurrence and while most bluntly voiced their disdain, others had more trivial concerns. One woman, when approached with the topic simply asked “Who the heck is ‘Pablo’ anyway?” and continued on wherever she was headed.
To gain a wider range of perspective, interviewers approached an elderly couple and asked the two what they thought of the highly acclaimed rapper refusing the release of his long-anticipated album to a deserving public.
The woman, with her calm, regal demeanor, began discussing her opinion that such an act is disrespectful of an artist who is held in such high regard by so many people.
Before she could finish, her husband loudly and candidly intruded saying “Hold up, that ‘work of art’ came straight from Kanye’s septic tank. And any treehuggers whining about clean air should be happy that the man didn’t give us anything more to burn.”
It is evident that “The Life of Pablo” has created drama for the music industry and work for environmentalists. While the media takes care of the mystery surrounding West’s unsurprisingly erratic behavior, public health officials are working toward combatting the negative environmental effects of his newest work.
While the public energy from this current event began to die down, news reporters managed to get one more short interview by a Miss. Brooke L. Knight. However, she showed little interest in discussing the album and exclaimed “let’s talk about Kim and Kanye’s personal life. We all know ‘Saint’ wasn’t their first choice of name for their son. What, did Columbus Compass Inc. threaten to sue for copyright infringement?”