MISSY FEOLA
Staff Lampoonist
What’s better than a dad bod? We’ll tell you: a grandpa bod. If you are lucky enough to have a grandpa bod, consider yourself blessed. Girls and guys alike will flock to you day and night.
Nothing is more irresistible than a fully wrinkled and pruned body with a head of gray, receding hair. Talk about DELICIOUS.
People have been going crazy for the grandpa bod. Groups of girls have been chasing the grandfathers that walk the streets, begging for their attention.
“It’s a great time to be alive right now,” said 86-year-old, grandpa bod owner Bert Wackelheimer. “I’m getting more attention from girls now than when I was in my 20s!”
The grandpa bod has become such an obsession in our society that youthful-looking men have been buying aging cream to obtain this desired grandpa bod. Their muscles will waste away, leaving nothing left of them except for sagging skin that represents what was once there.
Grandpa bods show a long life of experience. They show years of labor, crazy adventures and a myriad of stories hidden in each individual wrinkle and crevice of their ancient bodies.
Aside from aging cream, there are other ways that young men can obtain the grandpa bod. Firstly, have children. Then, have your children have children. Nothing screams “grandpa bod” more than having grandchildren.
Secondly, go to a tanning bed at least once a day. This will speed up the skin wrinkling process.
Lastly, stress increases the speed of aging. So keep overwhelming yourself with unnecessary extracurriculars and unpaid internships, get in fights with your friends, and let work consume your life.
Follow these tips, then you will be well on your way to obtaining a grandpa bod.