TRAVIS LEFEVRE
Lampoon Editor
Like a black hole, Hello Games decided that it would appear out of nowhere and suck $60 out of 212,000 wallets. Now, after much deceit by the developers, Hello Games has decided to fix it by placing a black hole in the game to erase it from existence.
“No Man’s Sky” promised to be a near-infinite galaxy with randomly generated planets and species to discover. While they delivered on that promise, the game in its entirety was lackluster with repetitive gameplay and no real goal to strive towards.Earth-sized planets were a fraction of the promoted size, and the creatures in the world were mostly small and not interesting to watch.
Within a week, the game received less than stellar reviews.
“This game actually kind of sucks, like a lot,” said professional gamer Noah Scope. “I give it a 1/10. I would not play again.”
Gamers complained and asked for refunds due to its false advertising, and the number of active players plummeted from 212,000 to about 33,000 in one week. Things were looking bleak for “No Man’s Sky,” so the developers decided the only feasible option was to erase the game in the most sci-fi way possible.
“We got an A for effort, but a D- for overall execution,” said Rip Uoff, the lead developer at Hello Games. “We really did try to make this an amazing game, but we fell short, mainly due to lack of trying. We decided the best course of action would be to just eliminate the game from ever existing by making one of the sun’s in the game turn into a black hole, because, well, science. It kinda just worked. The whole game’s gone now.
“We’ve been getting a lot of calls now about the game not booting up or working, and we just tell them it’s because of the free Black Hole Update,” Uoff continued.
With “No Man’s Sky” now being no more valuable than a paperweight, Uoff declined to comment on refunding the game and left the interview with his dufflebag full of money.