PATRICK BENNETT
Staff Lampoonist
In the wake of the first presidential debate, voting awareness has reached an all-time high. Some of the richest celebrities in the world even went as far as posing in an obviously staged and corny photograph last week, conveying the November ritual. But if students across America didn’t get the memo to register to vote via Facebook, the radio or their grandparents, they certainly got the memo through pornographic sites.
Earlier this year, the advertising agency Bartholomeou United Testing Topics (B.U.T.T.) made it its business to advertise key events through any means necessary. B.U.T.T. then made the key decision to twerk their way into the pornographic advertising business, focusing on the younger demographics that frequently browse the sites.
“I was a kid once too. I know how it is. My mom was so mad at me when I was in middle school because I gave the family computer a wicked nasty virus. She thought I was doing my homework, but I was really browsing pornographic sites. What better way to illustrate the need to vote than by placing an ad next to an unspeakable video?” Brooks Brothers savings card holder and CEO of B.U.T.T. Rich Buthow said.
Harry Winkey Jr. of Virginia Tech was chosen to design the voting ad after winning a Mountain Dew under-the-cap contest. The advertisement was minimalistic, designed in Microsoft Paint. It depicts green male genitalia flapping with a white backdrop. The letters read “Sexy Boys and Gals NEVER Forget to Vote. ”
“We all know that gym trainers hate him, or that he has secrets concerning his manhood that only you’ll have to click to understand. I wanted to do something like that. I wanted to portray the seriousness of voting by laying it all on the line. Voting can be sexy,” Harry Winkey Jr. said, biting his lip.
Students at Fredonia were instructed to browse their favorite X-rated sites while grad student researchers sat back and gauged the initial reactions to the ads. Participants were hesitant at first but eventually were bribed with Johnson Estates red wine, while the music of R&B singer D’Angelo played on the speakers.
“We were instructed to look up something that sounded political but pornographic. I looked up ‘Sarah Palin’s Caucus,’ and sure enough, I saw the ad to the right of the video. The video was disgusting, and the ad looked like it was designed by a fourth grader. It actually made me not want to vote,” freshman Richard Love said.
One art major participant declared the ad the greatest thing they’d ever seen.
“Mr. Winkey is Picasso-level — no, scratch that — Basquiat-level — no, scratch that — DaVinci-level. I’d really just like another glass of wine please,” fine arts major and certified wine-o Teddy Brisket said.
The voting ads used in pornographic sites have overall increased the likelihood of teens, tweens and scenesters coming out to vote this November. Please be cautious.