JACLYN SPIEZIA
Special to the Lampoon
Many millennials are struggling with the idea of whether or not they should vote, and if so, for whom. Although many thought that watching the debates would be a good idea in helping with their decision, they were only able to get through the debate that night by playing drinking games.
“I may never drink again,” said one student, who was stumbling back onto campus that night wearing a shirt that said “2016 Election… more like 2012 the movie.”
Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have had two of their three presidential debates, the second of which was held in St. Louis on Oct. 9 at Washington University.
If you watched the first debate and were hoping the second debate would be more informative and would focus on more of the candidates actual policies than their scandals, you’re probably still as disappointed now as you were then, if not more so.
Truthfully, what more could we expect from a debate between a man who could not believe he was actually a politician and a woman who changes her views every three weeks?
Many college students threw viewing parties and came up with drinking games to play during the election, taking a sip of beer every time Trump did something, like raise his eyebrows and open his mouth, and every time Hillary forced laughter.
Here is a semi-brief rundown of what happened during the debate for those of you who missed it, those of you who lost interest while watching due to the lack of mature conversation and those of you who were too drunk to remember and were attending one of those viewing parties previously mentioned.
First, the moderators asked whether the candidates believed they were “modeling appropriate and positive behavior for today’s youth.”
Clinton focused on the idea of setting up better educational programs for children of the future, and then she gave a general statement on how she wanted to “heal our country,” but did not answer in much detail how she was planning on doing so.
Trump wanted to work on “fixing and making our inner cities better for African American citizens that are so great, and for Latinos and Hispanics.”
By this point in the debate, students who were playing drinking games were feeling nauseous. It was only the beginning of the debate, and some were talking about quitting the game. Still, some continued playing because they were were optimistic that it couldn’t get any worse.
The debate started picking up speed when Trump accused Clinton of being a liar and being unlike our 16th president “Honest Abe” Lincoln. Hillary retorted that she was working to lower taxes for the middle class.
Hypocrisy from either party’s candidate was also on the list of times to drink. Therefore, not only did the debate pick up speed, but so did the rate at which students were drinking.
Trump pointed out that Clinton is saying she welcomes the support of people who do something she’s supposedly against by taking money from giant corporations who evade taxes.
However, Trump (perhaps unintentionally) admitted how he has consistently evaded taxes, a public duty, by using loopholes. Therefore, it was also hypocritical of Trump to call out Clinton’s financial supporters for something that he has done.
After the debate ended, many students were sick from drinking, seeing as how there were far too many times that Trump mentioned ISIS and his wall, and that Hillary talked about tax returns and how everyone is “stronger together.”
Young adults are being urged to stop these drinking games, on account of how predictable the debates are.
“It’s like trying not to step on a crack in the sidewalk and drinking every time one does so,” one person said.
One of the biggest questions students who watched the debate had was “Who won the debate?”
Many news reporters have commented how, with the bar being set so low for Trump, many of his supporters believe that he won the debate. Others believed that with the bar being set low for Trump, Clinton cleared it.
However, many more people are in agreement that the clear winner was none other than Ken Bone, the heavyset man in the red sweater, who asked Trump and Clinton what their plan was on an energy policy.
Since the debate, Bone has gained a large fanbase on Twitter and has been invited in for multiple interviews, as everyone thought he stole the show.
“Did you see that guy in the red sweater last night?” a giggling college student asked her friend while waiting in line for Starbucks.
“I wasn’t paying attention until he came on, and frankly, he’s the only candidate I can remember from the whole thing,” the friend replied.
When a non-candidate is seen as the winner of a presidential debate, that’s when you know that things can only get worse from here.
As for those young adults who still plan to play drinking games while watching the next debate, maybe play it with apple juice. It will still give you cramps, but then maybe you’ll remember that, unfortunately, Ken Bone isn’t a presidential candidate.