Alberto Gonzalez
Special to the Lampoon
Julian Assange is back in the headlines for his continued effort to fight off the united bureaucratic agencies of the world.
This most recent development of the continued efforts to disrupt the political system of the world’s policeman, also known as the U.S., has had some more negative consequences come Assange’s way. These consequences have taken on the form of an “unable to connect to the internet” page on all of his web browsers. This appears to be a consequence of the continued leaking of a seemingly never-ending supply of emails that are directly connected to Hillary Clinton and her campaign.
Assange has vowed to continue his leaks by any means and possible and not let this lack of internet stop him. His most recent attempts to keep the leaks coming have taken inspiration from the famous serial murderer The Zodiac Killer.
He is doing so by attempting to leak all of the emails he has via postcards sent directly to editors around the U.S. of various media outlets. This has led many to believe that Assange is actually in cahoots with Clinton’s opposition and that he has received advice on how to mail such letters from quite possibly the Zodiac killer himself, Sen. Ted Cruz.
In response to these allegations, Assange has relayed that he has no interest in anything other than the truth being available to the public via smoke signals from his current place of residence, and is currently in the process of training carrier pigeons to send out more leaks in the event of governments beginning to censor his mail.
Just as with most anything regarding the Clinton email scandal, the vast majority of the population seems to not know much if anything about the situation and yet somehow is extremely opinionated and vastly miseducated on the issue. After what seemed like an endless amount of tries, the only response to this news that did not result in screaming about Trump or Clinton came from a custodian on campus.
“I don’t know why he doesn’t just head to a library. Don’t they have internet there?” he said in response to the postcard leaks.
For now, it looks like all that can be done by those looking for more leaks is to wait patiently for the mail to reach the mailboxes of editors around the U.S.