ALBERTO GONZALEZ
Special to the Lampoon
As we approach the conclusion to this lunacy-filled election cycle, it may be a good idea to look at some ways to not be a jerk in the coming days. After more than a year of living in an alternate reality, we all must turn down our crazy and return back to normal. Here are some ways to do that:
- Everyone knows what day election day is. You don’t need to tell them.
- Stop freaking everyone out if they don’t know who they are voting for.
- Stop trying to convince everyone who doesn’t want to vote to do so.
- At this point, everyone knows who the candidates are and the policies they support.
- Don’t turn every conversation into a political one.
- It is possible to be friends with people with different political opinions … except if they’re for Deez Nuts.
- Don’t get into heated arguments, and don’t diffuse the situation with Ken Bone.
- Do your own homework (you waited too long).
- Name-calling is for 5-year-olds and presidential candidates, and you’re neither.
- When discussing politics, stick to the candidates’ political beliefs and not their personal history.
And here’s advice that never fails no matter what the situation:
- Never make eye contact while eating a banana.