ALBERTO GONZALEZ
Special to the Lampoon
In grandiose fashion, Democratic presidential nominee Hillary Clinton lost her bid for the White House last week. After giving her concession speech, she seemingly disappeared from the public spotlight. All of the pro-Clinton individuals of the country need not worry, however. She does not stay down after losing.
A random hiker spotted the Clintons wandering the woods this past Thursday, and that is when she made the announcement to a moderate crowd of one (plus baby). She went on to tell the hiker that she planned to run again for the presidency in 2020.
After taking a picture and thanking Hillary for her time, the hiker then proceeded to continue on with her routine. It was not thirty seconds later that she found the former First Lady close behind her speaking loudly, as if to a non-existent crowd of millions, of her plans after that to run for 2024, and if that didn’t work, her plans to run again in 2028.
All while former president Bill Clinton followed, phone in hand, live streaming on Periscope. The hiker began to worry for the unsuccessful Democratic nominee after she got to the election of 2052. Hillary started laughing hysterically while contemplating her own mortality and if technology will have advanced enough to be able to implement “Pokémon Go to the Polls.”
At this time, paramedics were called about an apparent mental breakdown in the woods, all while Bill stood idly by, live streaming the whole event, with an eerily blank smile plastered on his face.
Since this incident, Hillary has claimed that anyone who has been putting her mental health into question is nothing more than a conservative conspiracy theorist and that she was doing nothing more but a sleep deprived practice of her announcement speech, which she plans to give during the inauguration of president-elect Donald Trump.