EMMA PATTERSON
Staff Lampoonist
Facebook’s new “fake news filters” caused a moderate amount of outrage among Donald Trump supporters last week when they accidentally filtered out, to the relief of pretty much everyone, Kellyanne Conway interviews. Incensed Facebook users took to Facebook to rant about boycotting Facebook.
“I joined Facepage so that I could share my vacation pictures with my high school friends,” Walmart Mom wrote. “Now you’re telling me I can’t get my news on there? Who can you trust?”
“I’m officially boycotting Facebook until they bring back that Conway person,” one guy, who identified himself simply as “Brick,” wrote on his Facebook page. “I don’t know much about politics, but that Conway guy really knows what he’s talking about.”
Unsurprisingly, despite the smattering of angry Facebook posts, the Facebook drama resulted in little-to-no protest turnout.
“Unlike those liberal snowflakes, we won’t jump up and protest when we feel threatened,” one man said, presumably from his recliner chair littered with popcorn and privilege. “I mean, that’s what Facebook and Twitter are for, right?”
Many “non-snowflakes” spoke out in defense of Conway, calling the accidental filtering drama an “attack on alternative facts.” “We need Conway to speak the alternative truth. Without her, how will we know what to believe and what not to believe?” one poor soul said, resulting in this writer needing a moment to sit in a corner and reevaluate her life.
FilterGate truly reflects the divisiveness of the U.S. since Trump’s inauguration.
For example, some social media users took to Twitter and Facebook to mock Conway’s most recent alternative fact, the “Bowling Green Massacre,” while others criticized those who dared question the validity of such a devastating tragedy.
“What about the victims of the Bowling Green Massacre? They deserve justice. They deserve representation in the press,” one seriously misinformed man wrote on Facebook. “If it wasn’t for Kellyanne Conway, no one would even have known about it!” He had a point.
Despite his busy schedule as President of the United States, Trump himself somehow found the time to rant about FilterGate on Twitter. “Where am I supposed to get my fake news now? CNN?” he wrote, consequently making us all resemble Jake Tapper. Trump then attempted to get Facebook to filter out other “fake news” outlets, such as MSNBC, Buzzfeed and, of course, Weekend Update from “Saturday Night Live,” which he cited as “So fake, I can’t believe I’m the only one who noticed.”
Although Facebook announced its plans to correct the filtering “mistake,” this didn’t prevent Conway herself from posting an angry statement to Facebook. Due to a fortunate “technical difficulties,” however, it was never viewed by the American public.