JACLYN SPIEZIA
Staff Lampoonist
Buzz, the spokesperson, or rather spokes-bee, for Honey Nut Cheerios is no longer advertising for the cereal brand. In fact, he has been reported missing.
His mother, Beetrice, and his father, Fuzz, were very upset when Buzz did not arrive home from work last Tuesday.
“Buzz always comes back to the hive. He’s a good bee!” Beetrice weeped. Fuzz refused to comment.
The polbees led a search for Buzz, hoping to find him somewhere nearby, but it was pointless. Their SWAT team couldn’t locate him. The polbees announced a reward for anyone who had knowledge of his whereabouts.
“Why would he just leave like this? It doesn’t make sense,” said Abbee, Buzz’s girlfriend, who didn’t think he left willingly. “Something isn’t right with this story.”
To further investigate, the crew decided to get a statement from Honey Nut Cheerios. Buzz’s boss, human Vanessa Bloome spoke of the last time she saw Buzz.
“I’m not surprised he left. I fired him. We are in the process of getting a human to take his position,” Bloome said.
The Lampoon wanted to find out more, but Bloome wouldn’t elaborate.
We thought our investigation had plateaued when Barry, a long time friend of Buzz, came forward with more details on the case.
“Buzz called me on his way home from work. He sounded upset. I asked him why,” Barry said. “He said that bees are dying out, and that’s why Honey Nut Cheerios was cutting him from their commercial, to make humans aware or something. Buzz didn’t think it was very fair though. He loved that job.”
Unfortunately, Buzz has yet to be found.
We asked college students about what they think happened to the famed bee.
“Who is Buzz though?” one dumbfounded guy asked. Upon telling him who Buzz was, he responded, “Like, why should I care?”
Another girl, sporting a “Vegetarians Don’t Eat Honey” shirt, weighed in.
“I think he is hiding out somewhere because he’s tired of making honey for us,” the vegetarian girl said.
Where did Buzz go? The world may never know. His family and friends hope Buzz isn’t just another statistic and urge humans to start making a change.