ALBERTO GONZALEZ
Staff Lampoonist
As of recently, it seems like news regarding the White House and President Donald Trump can not go on without also including his possible ties to Russia. This connection has been strengthened with the recent revelations that the FBI is investigating the Trump administration and any ties it may have to the Russian government. A new whistleblower, however, has some rather damning evidence.
According to leaked documents Trump is very connected with Russia, more so than anyone could’ve ever guessed. The documents suggest that the Trump presidency was at least 20 years in the making, and looking back at the evidence, as crazy as it is, it actually seems to add up.
Apparently the real Donald Trump has not been seen by anyone in the past 20 or so years, and the details regarding the beginning of the plan are still a little hazy. At the height of his fame, success, approval rating and recognition, the Russian government decided to try and contact Trump with the intention of buying his likeness for the foreseeable future.
The plan was to have a replacement robot doppelganger take over the life of Trump to slowly infiltrate the U.S. government and be able to control it from the inside out. Being the ultimate Russian nationalist and best actor in all of the motherland, Vladimir Putin had other plans.
He decided to take a page out of the Trojan playbook and add a Russian spin to it by creating Trump doll from which he can hide inside of it and impersonate the great negotiator.
The Kremlin has declined to comment on these allegations. However, the Lampoon was able to get an exclusive interview with a Russian defector, Victor Petrov, who once worked in the bowels of Moscow.
“These rumors that Vladimir Putin is disguising himself as President Donald Trump hold weight to them. I mean have you ever seen the two together in the same room recently?” Petrov said.
Unfortunately, we couldn’t get any further information from Petrov due to the fact that his coffee was laced and he died of anthrax poisoning mid-interview.