ALBERTO GONZALEZ
Staff Lampoonist
The fresh Trump appointee of the week is now headed over to see what he can do to the NASA program. Jim Birdenstine, an avid climate denier, has now taken the reigns, and he is turning this ship so far into a different direction that some might mistake it for the S.S. Poseidon. In a shocking turn of events, it seems as if within the first few hours of taking the leadership position at NASA Birdenstine has launched an agency wide initiative to go to the moon again. This, on its own, does not seem so out of the ordinary, but his reason for wanting to do so has caused many to stop holding their breathe and realize that this is not the one sane rational appointment of President Trump.
“If we can go to the moon for realzies this time, we can like totally prove all these pretentious science nerds going on about fake climate news wrong and show once and for all that the earth we live on is flat,” Birdenstine said in an interview.
This ridiculous news has flown mostly under the radar of the major news stations who have been too distracted by mother nature trying to destroy the southern United States. It seems as if Birdenstine is looking for a way to bleed American views of the earth, down to something in the middle of truth and delusion.
As far as potential evidence goes, it would appear that as part of the new direction that NASA is going in also involves acquiring some celebrity endorsements. NBA stars Shaquille O’Neal and Kyrie Irving are both being made honorary astronauts in recognition of their previous comments regarding the earth being flat. They will be “the only voice that can offer an unbiased opinion about the earth due to their lack of NASA brainwashing.”
The rest of the details have yet to emerge, with the NASA press release division clearly being overwhelmed at this time. Pressing them for any more details has them looking like they are falling a little flat.