JACLYN SPIEZIA
Staff Lampoonist
Thursday, Sept. 21
On Food Truck Thursday, a fight broke out between a student and a food truck. The food truck — who would like to remain nameless — only had enough rations to serve one more person. The student insisted to be served after waiting in line for so long. The food truck drove the student to the store, picked up rations and then made the student food.
One student overheard Pokemon Go players discussing how they would be raiding at Starbucks. The student gathered his friends and raided Starbucks, flipping over tables and stealing cake pops. Afterwards, the students went outside to the patio where there was a large grouping of people. Confused, the students asked what was going on, and the other students explained that they were raiding (on their phones).
Friday, Sept. 22
A student showed up to his lecture class in McEwen in his underwear. Everyone looked at him and started laughing. The student then realized that he was not dreaming and ran to the bathroom in tears.
A drunken student was dancing in front of UC at around 2:30 a.m. loudly singing “Sorry Not Sorry.” University Police came over to see what was going on, and upon recognizing the Demi Lovato song, they joined in commenting, “I can’t wait for her new album to drop!”
Saturday, Sept. 23
Hannah Montana made an appearance at Rockin’ the Commons. Someone called her Miley Cyrus, and she went into a long rant about how they are two separate people.
While new students were touring the campus, the tour guide tripped over the cemented bench in the middle of the new walkway from the Williams Center to the library. The tour was ended abruptly as the tour guide was badly injured and taken away in a Fred Assist van to the hospital.
Sunday, Sept. 24
University Police investigated a report that Cranston was allegedly serving maggots in muffins again. The report has been closed to the public, and no one is sure whether or not it was true. When served a muffin, one policeman discreetly threw it away.