ALBERTO GONZALEZ
Staff Scallywag
It is official. The results have come back, and the diagnosis is bleak. AIM is officially diagnosed as terminal, only having until Dec. 15.
Naturally, those who are still using the AOL service are devastated and have decided to band together for one last group chat, for old times’ sake.
The three users whose screen names are “Username,” “xXx_2007_will_never_die_xXx” and “Kittys185925839” will go down in the last chapter of the AIM saga as the last group chat. We have reached out, and they all seem to be still using the services for very different reasons.
“Username,” also known by his real-world name as Mike, was one of the first AOL backers in the ‘90s and was lucky enough to register the username.
At first, he thought it might have been a neat way to make some cash, but after waiting 10 years and putting it up on Ebay it seemed as though no one really cared enough to pay 40,000 dollars for the screen name. After that revelation, Mike has just been using the service as a work around for texting just so he could use the username “to its fullest potential.”
Mike used his first smartphone ever last Monday and has not set the thing down since, but he is still using AIM as much as possible just from his nifty new phone.
“xXx_2007_will_never_die_xXx,” or as the government knows him, David, apparently was 15 in the year 2007.
David has embraced the 2000s so heavily that this now 25-year-old man refuses to do anything that wasn’t available to him as an option in 2007.
“Dafuq man 2007 was hella boss. I know I was just a young n00b, but every year since then has just been meh. The 2000s in general were str8 fiya, but ‘07 specifically was just buzzin’. Every year after that needs to chillax, but not in like an emo way,” David said.
He seemed pretty torn up about his long time communication medium being taken away from him. He said for the next month he plans on only listening to Fall Out Boy’s “Thnks fr th Mmrs.”
“Kittys185925839,” or Tiffany Ann Jones, said that she just always loved cats and needed a reason to remember her social security number and that was how she landed on her screen name.
She also said that the Dec. 15 date was pretty weird because that also happens to be her 27th birthday. As any cat person, she describes herself as “a little crazy lol” and revealed that the reason she is still using AIM is so she can literally randomly bring it up in conversation in the least organic way possible.
The group plans on meeting up IRL on the last day for a “Thnks fr th Mmrs” listening party/memorial service at Tiffany’s starting with breakfast at 9 a.m. and going until midnight. Anyone is welcome to join, and Tiffany has graciously included her personal phone number and home address as well; it will be at 770 Broadway, New York, N.Y, 10003, and her phone number to RSVP is (202) 456-1111.