TRAVIS LEFEVRE
Editor for The Scallion
Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the city,
The bodies stacked high, their brethren wallow in pity.
We hear it all the time, mostly from Hannity,
There’s a war on Christmas that’s driving this insanity.
It all began one gloomy December night,
When the elves took a stand and began to fight.
“Saint Nick has gone mad!” they screamed with anger.
The elves rose up to brace for the danger.
Barricading themselves in the workshop, they got down to business,
Building candy cane rifles to fight back against Christmas.
The affair turned violent with a big old blunder,
After an elf with an itchy trigger finger took pot shots at Dunder.
“These rebellious elves have seen their last day,”
Santa Claus exclaimed from his armored sleigh.
The look on his face was no longer jolly,
As he revealed a figgy pudding bomb wrapped in holly.
Flying over the workshop the bomb fell with a whistle,
One elf looked up and screamed “Holy shit! It’s a missile!”
There were no survivors, the workshop was trashed,
The spectators looked on, fearing Nick had gone mad.
“They were right, he’s gotten so mean!”
Said one elf watching the horror on his screen.
The fighting continues with war at the highest caliber,
Waged on by those inspired by the Workshop Massacre.