TRAVIS LEFEVRE
Editor for The Scallion
At The Scallion, we like to ask the hard questions. The questions that no one else will dare to ask. Who invented the doorknob? Does pineapple go on pizza? Is the Flying Spaghetti Monster our lord and savior?
But today, in preparation for finals week, we ask the biggest and most hard hitting question yet. Are you dumb? Or just stupid?
Well, luckily for you, the geniuses at The Scallion have come up with a quiz to determine just that. Answer the following questions and we can determine where you stand.
- You are in the frozen food section at Wal-Mart and you see a man trapped in the freezer. What do you do?
- Call him a mansicle and laugh at his misery.
- Move him out of the way because he’s in the way of your
damn Eggo Waffles.
- A stranger comes up to you and asks you if they can borrow two dollars. What do you do?
- Respond with “I don’t know, CAN you?”
- Stare them down and assert your dominance.
- You are sent on a mission to disarm a North Korean nuclear warhead. Kim Jung-un is standing right next to the missile silo and is big enough to jam the missile, preventing its launch. What do you do?
- No one has to die, there has to be
another way!
- Push the fat man.
- There is an ominous glow in the distance. It’s beautiful but raises a red flag. How do you proceed?
- Go towards the green light.
- What kind of a question is this, exactly?
- You’re on a night walk and a random stranger approaches you and wants to fight. Are your knees weak, or arms heavy?
- Knees weak.
- Mom’s spaghetti.
- One of your friends approaches you and asks you if you want to take a toke of a marijuana. What is your response?
- The weeds is dank!
- The Devil’s Lettuce? No spank you, sir. I only take bong hits 4 Jesus.
Okay, so you finished. Congratulations, you completed the only quiz that isn’t going to affect your GPA! Now, are you dumb, or stupid? If a majority of your answers were A, then congratulations! You’re only dumb. If they were B, however, you are stupid. If you have an even 50/50 split between A and B . . . well, I got some really bad news for you, but I’m sure you already know what that is.